I've been working on a series of talks on prayer that I am developing for a future prayer-centered retreat. The talks can be summariazed in eight points, but each point can also be its own message. The topic of prayer is rich and extensive, with lots of room for scripture study, interpretation, personal experiences and mystery.

For the next little while, I'd like to seek input from my Conversant Life friends. I want to learn from your experiences! Please use the comments section to share your thoughts on prayer as I put forth the aspects of prayer I'm exploring in this series.

CULTIVATING A LIFE OF PRAYER (PART 1): "PRAYER SHOULD BE PRIVATE"

The life of prayer begin with the one-on-One relationship of the believer and God the Father. Of course, many people learn how to pray from being in group settings, and I'll talk more about that in a future point. But when it comes to really digging in to your personal prayer life, I find that your prayer life on the whole will only be as rich as your private prayer practices are.

For a jumping off point, let's look at Matthew 6:5-6, which says, " And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.  6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

There are four things I see in this short passage that provide a strong foundation for the individual's prayer life, and that's what I want to focus on now. Each of these points could be fleshed out much more fully than I do here, but this is a good place to start.

1) "Go into your room..." = Creating a PLACE to Pray

First, "go into your room." This says to me that Jesus wants us to have a space where we can pray alone. Some people I know actually have rooms or closets in their homes that are set apart for prayer, and this is fine. But most people do not have the luxury of so much space, especially people like me who live in New York City apartments. Still, we can carve out a space that, at least for a certain period of each day, is "consecrated" or set apart for prayer.

John Piper, in his devotional book "Taste and See...," talks about a prayer bench in his basement. It's just a little wooden structure where he can kneel down to pray, with a place to set his Bible. It is not a whole room - it's a small bench in the corner of a room. But it is a consecrated space, devoted to prayer.

For as long as I can remember, my mother has started each day with her Bible and prayer notebook. In the colder months, the consecrated space is a chair in her living room. In the warmer months, it is a chair or bench outside in her garden. But the point is that she has a space that she has developed the practice of going to each day specifically to pray.

I begin my mornings sitting in my favorite chair in my living room with my Bible, journal and a devotional book. Other times of the day, that chair is for watching movies, talking with friends, playing my guitar or meeting with my Bible study girls. But in the mornings, the chair is set apart for prayer and scripture meditiation.

So the point, I think, is not that you have a whole room reserved just for prayer; after all, we need to remember that Jesus didn't have his own home as an adult! He certainly didn't have a specific room just for prayer. The point he was making, if I may be so bold as to presume, is that we have a space set apart for getting alone with God.

2) "Shut the door" = The Importance of PRIVACY for Prayer

Since the "room" need not necessarily be a room, I think it is safe to say that the point Jesus was making was not that you must literally "shut the door" (though if there is a door, you should shut it.) The point is that the space is quiet, free from distraction, and a place where other people will not interrupt you.

When I was in China, this space was the pagoda in front of my hotel from 6:00-7:00 each morning. At that time of morning, I was alone with the birds outside. Sure, the occasional worker might pass by, but they didn't take much notice of the girl in the pagoda with her books and MP3 player. I was alone in the sense of being alone with God in my thoughts.

When I was housing a homeless family of three in my one-bedroom apartment in East Harlem, this space was my bathroom each morning - the only space where I could be truly alone for a few minutes. I shut the door and, while my friends were just outside my door, I could be alone to get on my knees without the self-consciousness of an audience. I wouldn't have minded them seeing me praying; but I would have felt very aware of their presence in a way I wasn't with that door closed. I could hear them, but still I was "alone."

"Shutting the door" means minimizing disctrations. We read in Luke 5:16 that Jesus would withdraw to "desolate places and pray." There is a park near my apartment that I love to visit, and early in the morning, it is a perfect desolate place to pray. When I go early in the morning, before the workers are there tending the gardens or the tourists are there visiting the museums and galleries, I can walk through the whole park and not see another person. Often at those times, I talk aloud to God, stop to smell the flowers and watch the birds. Again, "shutting the door" means getting away from things that would hinder you from being free to let your thoughts be totally fixed on God.

As I've already mentioned, I love to pray in my favorite chair. But I have to take certain measures to guard against distractions there. If my dog is begging for my attention during my devotions, I have to give him something to chew on or even put him out for a few minutes so I can be undistracted. Of course, the phone should be off or silenced during prayer time. And if there is someone staying with me (which there usually is!) I try to get up early enough that I will have time to pray "alone" before we might start talking.

3) "Pray to your Father..." = The Invitation to PERSONAL Prayer

One aspect of this private prayer time is that it is where your prayers can and should be most personal. When my dad (Bob) and I talk in a group setting, our conversations are very different from when we talk one-on-one. I find that it is no different with my heavenly Father. The secret place of prayer is where I say everything most honestly. This is where I confess most vulnerably my sin and struggles. Sure, I might confess things in group prayer settings too. But the deepest, most painful things come out in that secret place.

And we need this. Many people only ever pray when they are with other people, and this vital and necessary aspect of the life of the believer - confession - goes un realized. But it is during these private times of prayer with my Father that I am able to examine my heart honestly, and ask God to help me in my weaknesses.

This is also a place where I can pray for people whose struggles might be of a more private nature. I will not pray aloud for my friends' private struggles - things they have entrusted to me in confidence - in front of other people. Private intercessory prayer is where God often gives me scriptures to encourage others with.

I think it is also important to note that Jesus did not say "pray to THE Father..." He said "pray to YOUR Father." By realizing this, we see that Jesus is affirming that we are co-heirs, and that we, too, can claim God as our Father. In this Jesus, was making God way more personal and accessible. He is our Father. Mine and yours. That relationship is tender and protective and vulnerable and trustworthy. Meditating on what it means that God is MY Father adds great fuel to my prayer life.

4) "Your Father... will reward you" = The PRIZE of Private Prayer

I'll let you in on a little secret here: the prize of private prayer is not, ultimately, getting "yeses" to all the things you might ask for in prayer. The prize - or reward - we get from praying in secret is not that God somehow owes us yeses to all our prayers, because we've been so righteous to pray in secret. No, the prize of private prayer is intimacy with the Father. No positive answer to prayer is as wonderful a reward as the reward of deeper intimacy with God. It is in this place that the peace that passes all understanding (Phil 4:6-7) lands on us. It is in this place where things that were once terribly confusing and hard begin to make sense. Or, if they don't make sense, peace with the mystery replaces frustration with not knowing.

God told the prophet Jeremiah, "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things you have not known." (Jer 33:3) I am not one to claim everything God said to the prophets as promises to us today - some of the things God said were for a specific purpose as part of a specific old covenant situation. But this is one I think we can certainly claim, because it jives beautifully with what Jesus taught his disciples about prayer. And it is in this secret place with the Father where we can call to God and expect Him to answer, peeling back the curtain of mystery and giving us insights that we could not possibly otherwise have known.

This only happens when we carve out time regularly for private prayer.

So when it comes to cultivating a life of prayer, first of all, prayer must be private.

BUT, it must not end there. Next time we'll explore why prayer must also be public.

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