I sometimes get those dual voices going in my head. That one voice that says, “You gonna take this sh*t? You’d better stand up and tell them people what you really think!” Then the other one that says, “No, just take the ‘higher road’ and say nothing…or better yet, just ignore it because they’re just ignorant.” Sometimes I even hear that voice telling me to act a fool and just “go off.” I especially hear these voices when I’m in all White crowds and being the “only one” of my kind. Do I say what’s really on my mind when someone asks me yet again if I rap? Do I yell at the top of my lungs at someone who denies my life narrative and relegates it to the status of “too sensitive?” Do I simply use four letter words to express my thoughts because it seems “holy words” aren’t working? Or, do I say nothing at all? Do I take the calm Negro route? Do I make the White folks feel comfortable with my smile and 3 button suite and PhD? Do I caress the White male with the phrase, “It’s cool, and I know you didn’t mean me”? What voice do I listen to?

This is the duality of voices that many ethnic minorities, who have entered careers in dominant culture, hear on a daily basis; the vernacular of duality is something that can drive you insane if you let it; it can lead you to anger or even worse hate if not dealt with. But how do you deal with those types of voices? How do I deal with the nigga and the nerd?

The nigga, at times, wants to start some mess, let people know, let my voice be heard. The nigga wants to tear some S&*$t up. The nigga wants to throw trashcans through windows and revolt in the most nefarious ways. The nigga wants to be heard, acknowledge, waved at, head nodded too, pointed at in a friendly way. The nigga was to let it out.

While the nerd just wants to keep things the way they are. The nerd needs to pay bills and can’t afford to have his boss mad at him. The nerd has a credit score to maintain. The nerd wants to be affirmed, but not at the expense of his job, or his career. The nerd has worked hard getting to where he is and doesn’t want to lose that spot because he realizes just how quickly this “career” can be taken away. The nerd wants the 9-5. The nerd at times resents the nigga…even though the nigga has been a good friend to the nerd…the nerd wants to fly just below the radar…

So what to do? Pray to God…right? Well, I wish it were that simple. The complexities and intricacies of being Black and male in America are deep. I feel a constant linguistic battle going on in my head when I hear yet another White mother tell me, at the park, how to raise my kid. I feel the heat rise when yet another White male tells me to get another qualification for a job I’m already over qualified for. The nigga and the nerd.

The nerd in me wants to remain quite and just “take it.” I did that for a while, and it ate me up. However, I also only listened to the nigga for a time in my life, and it too, ate me up. What to do…

These are multifarious issues on the inner workings of race and identity. Black males in this country, be they Dominican, African, African American, Trinidadian, Haitian, or Jamaican have to contend with this duality of voices playing out in their heads. At times, I want to just break out; the issues of race are just too much. But, then I remember where I’m at. I’m reminded that I have little to no voice in this country and will quickly be put “in place” if I’m too niggardly. So, the nerd in me comes out to ease things and put folks at peace; when what I’d really like to do is…

Well, here is a video clip to put these thoughts into words and action…take a listen




Here is some background on Daniel Beaty