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Call Vignettes- A Series of Surrenders 5

In the last few posts I wrote about certain times in my life when I made definite decisions to follow Christ.  The moment I asked Jesus into my heart, although I remember it, was not near as hard won as other moments of surrender.  Rather, these defining moments are times when I have been faced with the questions, “Who is lord of my life?  Who do I choose to submit my life to? To me or to Jesus?  Do I trust that God is good?  Will I say “Yes” to his leading, however frightening or boring or wise that may or may not appear to be in the moment?  

And so God’s call on my life has really been the call of Jesus to follow Him.  Responding “Yes” to that call has got me to where I am today.  There was never a moment when God called me to be a community developer, or when He spoke a career of full-time ministry over me.  The call has been to follow Jesus, and in my particular case it led me right back home to a community of people I was mildly curious about before I met them, and to a city I love dearly.  Reflecting back, I can see that God had been planting experiences and seeds in my heart all along that led me to this place, but those experiences were not significant apart from the foundation they built toward me saying “Yes” to the things Jesus was asking of me.

I particularly remember one night in college when I arrived home alone to a dark, empty house.  It was rare in a household of college girls to find the place empty, and I felt the void as I got ready for bed.  It was late and dark and in my mind I debriefed the day with Jesus since no one else was around.  Standing over the sink, brushing my teeth, I very distinctly felt the Lord ask me, “Could you do this?  Could you come home to an empty house?  Can I be enough for you?”  It was my senior year and I was desperately seeking the Lord for next steps in my life.  I wanted to know what to do.  I wanted to know who I was supposed to be.  Yet here I was faced with, not an answer to my questions, not a direction, but a question about my relationship with Jesus.  “Can I be enough for you?”

In the years since that experience this question continues to be a guiding force for me, especially in the moments when I am furiously looking around for some sort of affirmation or support.  The Lord has used this question to draw me back to himself and remind me of his sufficiency.  I have come to understand and enjoy community and friendship, but that night, as I sank to the bathroom floor wrestling with the question that cut to my core, I arrived at a place of surrender and declared my dependency on Jesus.  In the beauty of his Body, he has never left me alone, but he asks me again, every so often, to be my all in all.

Often people look at a sliver of my life and say, “Well, you can do that because you have a call on your life.”  I don’t know that I have a particularly unique call, but I have said “Yes” to Jesus being all I need, and that shapes how I live.  I imagine that the call is the same for all followers of Jesus. Can Jesus be enough for you?   My experience has been that even when I have said “Yes” over and over, he comes kindly, gently, giving me a choice of who will rule.  And now when the questions come, the moments of surrender come more quickly, less kicking and screaming on my part, and more trust, most of the time.


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I love our world- the sights, noises, and flavors of it all. I've found the best way for me to make a difference globally is to be rooted and engaged in my community. Every day is 1 more adventure in loving God and loving my neighbor.