It’s important to know the difference between service and slavery. Slavery is at the heart of dysfunctional families. When people serve others because they are forced to do so, freedom to truly serve is lost. Slavery hardens the heart. Slavery creates anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Listen to the emotional pain of a divorced single: “I served him for twenty years. I have waited on him hand and foot. I have been his doormat while he ignored me, mistreated me, and humiliated me in front of my friends and family. I don’t hate him. I wish him no ill, but I resent him and I no longer wish to live with him.” That wife has performed acts of service for twenty years, but they have not been expressions of love. They were done out of fear, guilt, and resentment.

A doormat is an inanimate object. You can wipe your feet on it, step on it, kick it around, or do whatever you like with it. It has no will of its own. It can be your servant, but not your lover. When you treat another person as an object, you preclude the possibility of love. Manipulation by guilt (“If you loved me, you would do this for me”) is not the language of love. Coercion by fear (“You will do this or you will be sorry”) has no place in love.

No person should ever be a doormat. We are creatures of emotion, thoughts, and desires. We have the ability to make decisions and take action. Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love. It is, in fact, an act of treason. You are allowing the person who is manipulating you to develop inhumane habits. Love says, “I love you too much to let you treat me this way. It is not good for you or me.” Love refuses to be manipulated.

On the other hand, true love often finds its expression in acts of service. It is service freely given, not out of fear, but out of choice. It comes out of the personal discovery that “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” All of us have certain abilities and skills. These can be used to express love.

..and you
Are you able to recognize acts of service in your life? How freely do you express acts of service to others?