Keeping a child’s love tank full will not eliminate all misbehavior. But it does mean that a child is less likely to misbehave if the love tank is full.

When your child does misbehave and discipline is necessary, parents will profit by making sure the love tank is full before giving the discipline. The child who receives discipline while the love tank is empty will almost certainly rebel against the discipline.

Therefore, I encourage single parents before administering discipline to consciously speak the love language of your child. Then after the discipline, give your son or daughter an additional expression of love.

For example, let’s assume you have a rule that the football is not to be thrown inside the house, and the consequence for breaking the rule is that the football will go in the trunk of the car for two days. In addition, if anything is broken, the child will pay for the broken object out of his or her allowance. So, what happens when your child breaks the rule? You both already know the discipline, but how you administer it is extremely important. Let’s assume that the child’s love language is words of affirmation. You might administer the discipline in the following manner.

You walk into the room and say to him, “One of the things I really appreciate about you is that you almost always keep the rules. To me, that’s a very positive trait and a sign of genuine maturity. I really appreciate that about you. However, as you know, you threw the football in the house, and a glass was broken. Therefore, we both know that the ball has to go into the trunk of the car, and you’ll have to pay for the glass out of your allowance. But what makes me so proud of you is that this happens so seldom, and I am really glad about that.”

You have wrapped the discipline in love, and your child will likely receive it in a positive manner.
If, on the other hand, you walk into the room and simply say, “You know you are not supposed to throw the football in the house. Now, look at what you’ve done. You’ve broken a glass. You know the results of this. Go put the football into the trunk of the car, and your allowance this week will have to go to buying the glass.” And then you walk out of the room.

Your child will likely put the ball into the trunk of the car while saying to himself, I try to obey the rules. I mess up one time and she comes in screaming at me.

A child rebels not against the discipline but against the manner in which the discipline is rendered. The child will feel rejected rather than loved.