It’s finals week on the campus where I work which can only mean one thing: summer break is 48 hours away.  To me it means quiet, rest, and a slower pace, but it also brings with it space for reflection and planning.  I’m entering into a reflective mode this week as students wrestle with, “What’s next?” and I find myself asking the same question.  One student said yesterday she has been asking people who she sees as “settled” in their careers if this is where they thought they would be when they were in college.  She was surprised to find out that for most, life’s journeys took them in directions they could not have even begun to imagine.  They love where they are at, but would have never predicted it.

As I thought about it, I began to think of people I know who are “settled” in their careers.   This year more than any other I have felt like a “grown-up” as I settle into my career, gained a mortgage, have been married for 4 years and the honeymoon is over (I mean this in the sense of now we know what for better or for worse means and in sickness and in health – even though I still get butterflies when I pick my husband up from work), no one knows what Jem and the Rockers were, and recently I was told that U2 is classic rock.  (I’m sorry what?)  This was a year when huge decisions were made for our family and I am choosing who I want to be.  Of course this comes with job choices, communities joined, and passions to pursue, but life always throws some curve balls in there and I’m learning every week what “pick your battles” means more and more.

As I continue to reflect on people, the healthiest and most joy-filled ones are the women and men who have let their battles and wounds shape them.  They have learned from them.  They know how to sit and have tea with the opposing side.  Their battles never look the same because they continue to learn, plan, contemplate, and grow.  And they know when to put their swords down.

The people I know who are the unhappiest and unhealthiest are the ones who have had the same battle plan for decades.  They will wage their war at any cost.  They come at you with weapons drawn because they have a mission they will not compromise and they do not collaborate or communicate either.  This doesn’t always happen overtly all the time.  It can be very subtle or even silent.  Eventually this person is all by him or herself even though they might be at the top of the hill.  When they look down, no one is there, but that’s the thing- they never look down.

As graduation season is upon us and the lazy days of summer roll in, I have to ponder: what am I fighting for? What do I want the hills I die on to be and where do I need to wave a white flag? When life’s sabotages come my way, (which most definitely will be the case) will I examine and approach them with caution or will I kill and destroy and continue on with my mission – whatever that is? As I become more and more of a “grown-up” that likes classic rock and remembers a world without the internet, I hope that life will take me on more adventures; that the ebbs and flows will capture me and I will ride them with grace and dignity and not rally against them.  I pray that I will know what to fight for and who to fight with and I deeply feel this for every graduate out there this year.  Choose your path wisely, but be even wiser in choosing your response when the path opens up and at times when it grows dark.  When strangers meet you on the journey, find out more about them before chasing them away.  When a fork presents itself remember that it is one of many and the decision will not kill you.  Try to always find a guide and remember you don’t have to face anything alone.  Perhaps most importantly, what will you fight for?