I remember the sniper attacks.  It was only a year after 9-11 and everyone was still a little on edge.  I was in college and the war was just getting started.  I bought my shirt with a flag on it and wore it proudly.  I was and am proud to be an American, most of the time.  Last week, I was getting ready to speak at a retreat and missed the news when a man killed his fellow soldiers and the nation was on edge again. 

This evening John Allen Muhammad was put to death.  He was a soldier too.  His ex-wife claims he came home from Dessert Storm a changed man.  His lawyer decried that statement and said he wasn’t… how could you not be though?  Battles change people whether they are in the army or in a living room.  They stir dark parts of your soul and voices emerge that we didn’t even know existed; voices that haunt and prey on our esteem and our will to live in a healthy way.

  The battle waged on the outside moves inward. 

Our nation is exhausted and it is showing… a long war, a recession, an election that seemingly would never end, a county polarized by 2 parties and no concession to work together, only shout louder.  Issues like immigration, healthcare, global warming, taxes, and who has the right to marry divide us at the dinner table and into the colors of red and blue.  The only outlet is escaping into fantasy worlds of celebrities and vampires where everything does work out or appears to be grand. 

We don’t realize the stress that people are under when we’re all in this rat race.  A war to win, a degree to get, a sickness to beat, a promotion to achieve, a spouse to find, a marriage to fix, a kid to get into college, or even get pregant with the baby in the first place.  The 40-hour work week turns into 60, family dinners are spent in the drive-thru, and an officer is being deployed for a 5^th time.  This lifestyle is not sustainable whether you’re in an office, an assembly line, or in a tank. 

As I sit here after facing a massive ear infection and fever a couple months ago, my lymph gland is swollen and I fear that I am getting the dreaded H1N1.  Every couple weeks I have received a rundown of how many students at my university are exhibiting flu-like symptoms and have been quarantined.  Emails have gone out from head administrators asking the employees to show grace to students and co-workers alike if they get sick.  Does it really take a nationwide flu outbreak to make us show grace to one another and take some needed time off?  Even after you’ve been out for a week, your body still feels like it has been hit by a train for a while.  I’m on my second round of antibiotics from an infection 2 months old and those pills take it out of me… so how the heck is an army holding up after a war that has gone on much too long?  Of course they are strained.  We all are. 

How many people have to die from stress or post traumatic stress before we see the giant red flags that are telling us this way of life is crazy? Our nation’s healthcare system is not the only thing that is sick.  We need to rebuild villages and stop judging one another.  We need to stop applauding people that work overtime and tell them to go on vacation or just go home.  We need to recognize that there are soldiers and citizens who are tired, burnt out, and sick and desperately need rehab.  Not rehab in the AA or physical sense, but in the rhythm of life sense.  We need to desperately hit the pause button and see people for who they really are, not red or blue, but people… loved by God.  We are all loved by God… even these two shooters that are blanketing front pages everywhere during this week we are honoring veterans. 

In a way, we’re all veterans of the rat race and the last thing we do is honor ourselves.  I sit with women every week who set the most unrealistic expectations on themselves and are holding on by a thread to the thought that no one can see them fail.  You will fail; we all will, but it’s the communities around us that need to hold us up.  When we jump on the other person to get ahead right after they have fallen, what are we doing?  When we applaud a man being lethally injected who is obviously mentally ill, what are we doing?  When we are working long hours to be secure in our futures, but end up tired, sick and burnt out, what are we doing?  We all need help of some sort, and it’s sad when we’re too sick to see that. 

There are battles that we need to face like poverty, obesity, cancer, injustice for children in the world, famine, human trafficking, education, and the list could go on and on.  But when we’re too busy dividing ourselves and battling one another, how do we have energy to wage those wars?  How do we have energy to face the battle going on internally?  Too many people try to fight it on their own.  They even pull out the “God card” and say that they are praying through it and they will be "fine".  Prayer is amazing, don’t get me wrong, but what happened to listening to our neighbor instead of building fences and posting signs? Why do we let people get by with saying they are "fine"? 

It’s been a long week… heck, it’s been a long year.  As it winds down, I am praying for space to reflect on my own battles as well as how to become a peacemaker.  I want to become a peacemaker not only in my soul, but also in my community.  I can’t do this alone though and I don’t want to.  God doesn’t want me to either.  So as some of us might have Wednesday off, I hope that we can find space to reflect on how to end these wars and start conversations; how to stop screaming and start listening; how to stop jumping on top of one another and learn to turn around.  Those are my hopes as a veteran of the rat race.