EMAIL THIS PAGE       PRINT       RSS      

Man Code

What the heck is “Man Code”? As you probably know, I am watching the Bachelorette and last night I sat in front of the screen for 2 hours tuning into grown men debate what they can and can’t do while being guided by this “man code.” Is this what chivalry has become? Watch out ladies – the leader is Dave. The same Dave who complimented her “ass” after a month on the show and reached over to cover her shirt while narrowly missing out on copping a feel.

What took me by surprise is not that a man of his caliber did this, but that it took prompting from Chris Harrison, the host, to make him understand that his actions were inappropriate. How do you watch that episode and not feel uncomfortable? Even more so, if you are that person, how big is your ego that you still think it was okay? He didn’t appear embarrassed at all.

The whole let’s-be-men thing and run off to the cave and fart – where did it come from? There are even Christian versions now that promote warriorhood and bullying. “Man code” is just prolonged adolescence. As video gaming and bachelorhood are glorified, men have even more reason to follow said “man code” until, well who knows… Recent studies are providing evidence that adolescence keeps getting pushed further back from teens to twenties to thirties in males.

Jesus for one is not a warrior.  He is a peacemaker.  Sure, he probably had indigestion on occasion (who doesn’t), but Jesus was not running off to hunt or kill things.  He didn’t even pretend to for that matter. The solitude time that Jesus promotes is one of silence with God in a time of meditation and contemplation that is not only for men, but women as well.  Jesus was a man, but the code he followed was from God and it was placed deep within himself, not some obligatory cultural code.

As seen last night, not every man followed “man code” (Juan and the alcohol) and not everyone agreed on what it was (Jake confronting Wes). The day we start enforcing everyone to follow a code is a day when things have gone terribly wrong. Jesus railed against putting people in boxes and the only group he really got mad at were the religious leaders of the day. It was a righteous anger that drove him though, not a need to get to the next level of the new shoot ‘em up, steal it, talk down to women game.

We all have a code, but everyone’s is different. We can’t put people in the same category as men or women or rich or poor. Everyone is also unique and individual with their own story. Stereotypes have not gotten us into a lot of good situations over the course of history and I don’t believe man code is doing anyone any good either. We have to stop coming up with ultimatums like "man code" that really do become another law to follow, written or not.

This season of the Bachelorette has been one riddled with more highs and lows than I care to go through for 8 weeks.  I’m glad it’s almost over. It’s time to be done and move on from the most dramatic season ever… but there is one more week…. And my oh my how dramatic will it be?


I was actually hoping you would blog on last night's episode. Thanks. I enjoy your perspective and insight on this "most dramatic season in bachelor history." The man-code thing was ridiculous last night. I think it backfired on not only Dave but on the others as well who bought into it. It backfired because rather than these guys looking like they were "real men" because they follow this unspoken man-code, they actually all looked and acted like a bunch of insecure, stinky dudes.

We are such a media driven society. I often wonder if we have dropped the standard for men because of what we see portrayed on television. Examples...Married with Children, Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens to name only a few. The husbands and fathers of these shows are portrayed as gropping, farting, burping, lazy, men who only want to sit around and watch football and drink beer. Men have so much more potential than that. When these and so many others are the examples we see it's no wonder you get a group of grown men acting like teenagers on a nationally broadcast television show not realizing at all their behavior is way off base.

Thanks again for your insight and I'm sure there will be plenty more to say after next weeks "most dramatic episode....of the bachelor."

Thanks Carrie! And I think your perspective is right on... we have a culture that excuses that kind of behavior and it's absurd. All the while, more demands being made on women as well... don't get me started on that. (Maybe I'll do another series - ha ha)

Stay tuned for next week's "most dramatic blog ever." Actually I think I will call it that. :)

Of course,there is man code for man.

»  Become a Fan or Friend of this Blogger
A recovering perfectionist that asks questions about life, art, the Spirit and this imperfect culture we live in, I help women tap into their true self in Jesus through creative means and spiritual direction.