After a long discussion of what we were in the mood to watch last night, my husband and I decided on the Duchess with Kiera Knightly.  It was a good movie and even my husband, who doesn’t like period pieces, appreciated it.  For those of you who haven’t seen it, the film is based on the true story of the Duchess of Devonshire in the late 1700s. It follows the plight of the bourgeoisie women of the time. I will refrain from saying a whole lot more because I hate it when people ruin movies.  The reason that this movie stood out to me was a quote from Knightly’s character right after she gets married.  Her new husband grabs a pair of scissors to cut her out the elaborate dress she is wearing that she designed.  He gripes as he snips away at the different layers that he doesn’t understand the lengths women go to with their clothing.   She responds by saying that maybe that is because clothing is the only way women can express themselves because they can’t in any other way.

Last week the President and First Lady returned from their first trip abroad.  There were many stresses and successes, but what apparently shown the brightest was Michelle Obama’s wardrobe.  J.Crew sold out of the skirt number she wore when she and Mrs. Brown went to tour the cancer ward at a local hospital in England.  Her kitten heels had more comments on blogs than her husband’s press conferences.

Michelle is certainly making her mark as the latest fashionista which echoes back to the movie quote.  Have we not moved beyond women and fashion as a being representative of having a platform or voice?  Condi Rice represented our nation very well, but more ado was made over her morning workout regimen at the height of her career than her trips to the Middle East.  I hope when history records itself that there will be more said about these amazing, educated, go-getter women.  I hope that their speeches are recorded and the policies they advocate for are what we will look for as a measuring stick, not how tall their heels were.  Yes, the workouts and clothes will continue to be dissected down to every detail, but I have higher hopes for women.  

I often hear people say, “women dress for other women, not men.”  Women are each other’s worst competitors, not collaborators.  There are magazines dedicated to cutting others down. Women have to be the perfect mom, daughter, spouse, employee, student, etc. which comes at the expense of authenticity and vulnerability. I watched Oprah’s “moms confess all” episode last week and sat there taking notes the whole time.  Quotes I heard were:
•    “[Moms] Don’t have permission to admit how hard it is.”
•    “Everyone is walking around not being real.”
•    “The list of expectations is unrealistic – we’re failing.”
And on and on they talked about the need to reinvent ourselves, to stop comparing and lying to one another, to realize that we are not alone.  

I sat there thinking this is not just moms, this is women in general. I spoke to a group of college women last week and all of them had the same sentiments. From the mom in California with 4 kids to the student who is trying to figure out life after graduation to the White House… We’re all worried about measuring up, about the expectations. These great expectations… that really aren’t so great.

I believe the first step is creating spaces where we can start these mini-rebellions of throwing out those expectations – safe spaces, sacred spaces.  However, we have to enter into that process with an understanding that it takes time and in an age of lightening fast instant gratification, are we ready to take the time to make the space so the patterns of expectations of women can change?  That is what A Beautiful Mess is all about – whether on the blog, at a retreat, or in a spiritual practice these are all safe spaces to just be.  And that is where God meets us – not in People magazine or on TMZ.com – in our own beings.  So let’s begin creating more spaces!