The new film “The Road” is coming out this week. Viggo Mortensen plays a desperate father in post-apocalyptic America, walking south through the rubble as he tries to take his son to safety. It’s an amazingly gripping work, depicting survival in a lifeless landscape of ash and cold. It’s also a bit of a horror story, as some survivors succumb to cannibalism, as all other food (animal or vegetable) is dead and gone. 

I wonder how many Republican’s will see this film. And as they watch it, will they look at each other with raised eyebrows? For nearly one year now, the Republican Party has been journeying through the post-Bush rubble, searching for the America of the past. As they sift through the remains of Newt Gingrich’s conservative revolution, they have begun to starve.

A battle has emerged for the heart of the “true Republicans.” Some believe a more centrist approach is essential to winning back the White House. Others believe the only way to regain American trust is to become even more conservative, clearing distinguishing themselves from Democrats. In the heat of the battle, they are turning against each other, using Karl Rove’s politics of division against their own kind.

Cannibalism was on display last month during an election in New York, as the Republican nominee, Assemblywoman Dede Scozzafava, was deemed “too liberal” to run as a Republican by a group of ultra-conservatives. The Ultras supported a third candidate, Douglas Hoffman, who apparently lives on a cul-de-sac, collects Ronald Reagan ties, and only eats beef hotdogs for dinner.

After quite a battle, Mrs. Scozzafava dropped out, sick of the infighting that distracted the campaign. Then she surprised the Ultras by throwing her support behind the Democratic nominee, Bill Owens. At it turned out, the Democrat won the race, becoming the first Democrat to win the seat in more than 100 years. So much for ultra-conservative curb appeal.

So you can imagine my surprise when the New York Times ran an article this week on the new “Purity Test” being devised by a group of Ultras. According to the Times, “the proposal would require the party to withhold campaign money and endorsements from candidates who do not adhere to at least seven principles on the checklist.” A “purity check list?” Really?

The list includes things like “We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges,” which apparently removes the President from his role as Commander in Chief and relegates power to the Generals the President is supposed to supervise. Quite a shift from the historic American distinction of a civilian led military that protects our nation from being taken over by the Army. Is there room to discuss this, or is “Ultra purity” like ivory soap, just kind of one thing, no compartmentalizing?

There are also other more complicated purity promises, like one that opposes amnesty for illegal immigrants, something President George W. Bush supported, a man I always considered conservatively purer than fresh driven snow blown across a cattle ranch in Texas. I guess they’ll work that out.

Some of it is, quite frankly, hilarious. The first item states that Ultras will “support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama’s “stimulus” bill.” I mean, wow! Can it be true that the policies enforced over eight years by the Ultras, which got us into this mess, are what they want to return to? Do these white males have the memory span of a black lab which just saw a squirrel? Remember with me: Disastrous economic policy + enormous wars + lower taxes = The Great Recession + Bush supported “Stimulus Bill.”  Guys, it was less than a year ago. Really.

The list goes on, but you can read it for yourself at the end of the post. I have no doubt that the Republican Party will be back. America functions on a two party system, and Democrats will only be kept honest when they have a vigorous opposition. But the Republicans need to catch up to the present day. America is no longer a white, protestant nation that cherishes such things as “Conservative purity” We now live in a brown, religiously diverse, and evolving society that is asking different questions and not trying to return America to an idealized 1950s Doo Wop concert. The cannibalism created by the Ultras is not going to help Republicans catch up to the present, but creates a defeating distraction.   

The complete “Ultra Purity Pledge:”

(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama’s “stimulus” bill;

(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run healthcare;

(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;

(4) We support workers’ right to secret ballot by opposing card check; 

(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;

(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;

(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;

(8) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;

(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing, denial of health care and government funding of abortion; and

(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership

What do you think?