I've been a mother to three small ones for six weeks now. This week, I seem to have kind of hit a wall. I'm so, so tired, The adrenaline has worn off, and the energy is waning. But the part that is really most frustrating to me is how little I am able to get done right now. For a type-A mama, ending the day with just as many items on the to-do list as I started with is NOT a great feeling. I'd been advised by lots of well-meaning friends to just stop trying to get things done. But truly, my bar is so low right now and some things just need to be completed. Like the preschool application that has been sitting on the kitchen table for a month now. Or the intern evaluation that I was supposed to mail back before my maternity leave, that is still on the counter because I haven't had time to buy a freaking stamp.

And let's not even talk about my toenails and how those look.

It sort of feels like survival mode right now. That's a little hard for me because I am someone who really likes to do things the right way. But with three kids this small, there is no right way. It is just managing chaos. Every man for himself. He (or she) who cries loudest, wins.

I am convinced that every baby book ever written, was written by someone with only one child. Advice like "sleep when the baby sleeps" or "put your child on a sleep-eat-play" schedule do not really apply when you have three running around. I would seriously love to see the advice book for parenting multiple small ones. It could have helpful tips like "how to pee while holding a baby" or "managing a toddler's time-out while breastfeeding in a different room".

I spend a good portion of my day strategizing how to be efficient and stay on top of things. I realize this is a little insane, because no amount of planning can make order of my life right now. But I'm always trying to figure out how I can outsmart these odds. Because dude, I am outnumbered.

I have said several times: I don't get how stupid people do this.


I have come to the conclusion that until some of these kids mature a little bit, someone in this house is always going to lose. There is no possible way for all of us to have our way all of the time. In an ideal world, my day would include a shower and makeup application, three healthy meals, a good walk/run, time to check email/facebook/blogs, time to read, a quality conversation with a friend, a clean house, a couple cycles of laundry completed and a few errands run. Surprisingly, none of these things are on the priority list for my kids. My newborn's ideal day involves breastfeeding, sitting in my arms during a milk-coma, sitting in my arms while she sleeps, and sitting in my arms while we make googly faces at each other. Again, not exactly items my older two are really thrilled about. Poor baby Karis just loves to be held, and her favorite activity is what I call the "afterglow" - that moment just after nursing where she cuddles down and sighs with contentment. But she rarely gets this moment because as soon as she is done eating I am usually ripping her off because we are late to pick up Jafta, or India needs a diaper change, or my assistance is required in breaking up a screaming match over who gets to play with the Lightning McQueen car.

Life is hard right now, and I have never been one to hold back in talking about the realities of motherhood. But life is also really good. Even though I am juggling a lot right now,  I am learning to surrender to that fact that I can't always win. I suppose that could sound kind of negative, but for someone like me it is actually freeing to accept that there will not be perfection at this stage of the game. When I give up pursuing that, it allows me to laugh at things that could be completely mortifying. Like Wednesday, when Karis projectile vomited and then India pooped her pants during Jafta's preschool celebration where I was "volunteering". I'm sure his teachers appreciated my contributions to the party.

Am I still sounding cynical? Sheesh.  I can't stop myself.

Bear with me when I rant about the indiginities - it's my coping mechanism. Sarcasm is easier for me than sentimentalism. But in an excercise to EMBRACE THE GOOD (my new motto), here is a little list of things I am grateful for:

• I love having my kids so close in age. It makes for a crazy few years, but I love what great friends they are, and how well they play together. I am also excited that they will all be in high school at the same time. Three little ones is mayhem, but if I had my way I would have four little ones in the house right now. I hope their brother that we are trying to adopt from Haiti can join the chaos soon.
• I am so grateful that I got to experience having another biological child. It's something I never thought would happen even once, much less twice. I had completely surrendered that desire, and it was such an unexpected blessing. I am so grateful to have experienced childbirth AND adoption. Twice.
• I am so happy that Karis is healthy. There were several red flags for issues while I was pregnant.  I am beyond grateful that she is developing typically.
• I am grateful that my husband has a flexible job that allows him to work only four days a week, and that I have a job that allows me to work only one day a week. It's nice to put on grown-up clothes and have adult conversations on Fridays, but it's also really great to be at home with the kids full-time.
• I'm grateful for my amazing friends, who supported me during a whiney and stressful pregnancy, and brought me meals and gifts over the past month.
• I'm grateful that I'm not pregnant anymore! (Have I mentioned that?)
• I'm grateful that Karis is sleeping through the night (for the most part) and India is peeing in the potty (for the most part)
• I'm grateful that the biggest issues I have to worry about right now are things like cleaning up after meals, sleep, and potty training.  Stressing over the mundane is an indication that my life is truly blessed!