Enhancing or reestablishing a relationship with a parent may have a profound impact upon a person’s emotional well-being. It isn’t random chance that one of the ten fundamental commandments given to ancient Israel was “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” This benefit of developing a positive, loving relationship with one’s parents is affirmed in the New Testament: “Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ideally, love should flow from parent to child. When this takes place and the child genuinely feels loved, it is easy for them to honor their parents. However, when a single adult grew up in a home where he felt unloved, abandoned, or abused, it is much more difficult to honor these parents. I believe that as adults we must take responsibility for enhancing the relationship with our parents; this is especially important if they were deficient in meeting our needs. There is nothing more important than love in this process. Love breaks down barriers, leaps over walls, and seeks the well-being of another.

The amazing thing about love is that it is not held captive by our emotions. We may feel hurt by our parents. We may feel abandoned, disappointed, frustrated, and even depressed, but we can still express love to them. Love is not an island of emotion, but rather an attitude that corresponds with appropriate behaviors. Love is the attitude that says, “I choose to look out for your interest. How can I serve you?” Then love responds with meaningful, positive behavior.

LOVE STIMULATES A RESPONSE

Such love does stimulate positive emotions. So we say, “I feel loved by that person,” which means we have a deep emotional sense that they really care about us. It is this sense of being cared for that brings deep satisfaction to the human soul. When we feel loved, the natural response is to honor the person who is loving us, to hold him in high esteem. When there is mutual love and honor between parents and adult children, both experience a positive state of emotional health, which in turn positively affects their physical health, which results in longer, more fulfilling life.

No parental relationship is hopeless. As long as there is life, there is the potential for healing the past and carving a better relationship in the future. If your relationship with your parents is less than ideal, nothing holds more potential than your taking the initiative to learn their primary love languages and begin speaking them regularly. Because they are human, they desperately crave love. When you start proactively loving them in their language, they begin to feel your love and often reciprocate.

Therefore, you can take the initiative to love your parents in spite of your negative feelings. If and when your parents reciprocate your expressions of love using your love language, your negative feelings will dissipate and you will begin to feel loved by them. Of course reciprocated love is not guaranteed. But it often happens even in the most difficult and scarred relationships.

…and you? Do you have a healthy, loving relationship with your parents? Have you expressed your love and thankfulness to them recently?