Some Conversant  readers  may be old enough to remember  former President Bill Clinton’s slogan during his first election campaign, in 1992,  “It’s the economy, Stupid!”  I remember  the  era  fairly well, and was surprised at that time by the huge  popularity  of what I considered to be  a rather  insulting message,  aimed at the Republican administration.    When there is a distressing  national problem, it seems natural to want to find the origin of that problem as the first step towards solving it.  But finding where the problem started is just the beginning of the process of changing things for the better.  The same thing is true in close  relationships.  Finding the origins of problems is basic to what we do in psychotherapy.   But there is so much more.   

Asking and receiving forgiveness  are two of the most healing  gestures that people  can make,  as is learning how  to extend grace when one is the injured party .   Sometimes  in therapy,  the person or persons who  were  the offenders are no longer living, or communication has been cut  off for some other  reason.   In these cases, the therapist  can help those who are present  in the situation to move forward.  Some problems are no one’s personal responsibility,  such as natural disasters.   In all of these types of situations, problem solving  is a large part of the healing process.  All of the family members can be figuratively   on the same  side of the bargaining table,  with  the problem on the other side, and if the timing is right for this, it clears the way  for powerful  change to occur.  Then people  feel that their close relationships got  stronger as a result of working through problems together.   One of the largest benefits of therapy,  aside from the things one does in therapy,  is the hope that comes from  not having to face problems  alone.  Many of my clients mention at the beginning and end of therapy , that they  value  the input from a neutral, non-blaming   party.

Very few of my clients  want  to linger  in the blame stage, because  blaming makes people want  to be isolated, just  when they need each other most. People want to give and receive  forgiveness,  make  peace,  and move  forward towards  problem-solving, and learn how to appreciate each other  more.   If this approach  to resolving issues could be applied  on a national  level,  just  imagine   what  progress  we could make as a nation,  with problems such as the current  economic  crisis.   In the past weeks, we have  all  heard the Republicans  blamed,  and we  have heard  the Democrats  blamed.   We have heard  corporations  blamed,  and individuals  blamed, rich folks and the working class.     A few individuals  have  acknowledged  personal responsibility,  and  for this they deserve  respect.   There have been some solutions proposed,  but how much  forgiveness  has been extended towards  those  who were greedy  or short-sighted?   Only  after forgiveness  has been  extended  across  various  lines of culture and power,  can  Americans  get  on the same  side of the table,  face  the problem  squarely  on the other  side, and  generate  some  solid  and lasting  solutions.  We need to say,  “It’s the stupid economy”   and then work together on how  to  make  OUR stupid economy  work better. 

Getting back to the “micro” level, it is good to imagine  forgiveness  within  our own close  relationships ,  for problems  that occur  during this difficult economy, such as layoffs, credit  card  problems,   loss of retirement  savings  in the stock market,  and mortgage problems.    Acknowledging personal responsibility    and extending forgiveness  can establish peace in our close  relationships, and   lead to creative  problem-solving.   Recognizing when the problems  are no one’s fault can be a big part of the healing and recovery process too.    A successful  healing process can make people more resilient  and resourceful  in the face of future problems, and can  even help people  to begin to resolve their deeper spiritual questions.   By contrast,  remaining  mired  in the blame  game,  with  perpetual   “bad guys” and victims,  solves  nothing.    As more of my clients  are affected by the recent economic hardships,   I hope and pray along with them  that  the most dire  economic   predictions  never  become  reality.  But I am very  curious  and hopeful  about  the  creative  solutions  American  households  can generate when we blame the “stupid economy” and not each other.