I'm no economist, but like you I've been paying attention to the economy more than ever before.  Most of the time the big numbers floating around the headlines these days--trillions lost in the market, hundreds of billions pledged to Wall Street by the federal government--simply dull my senses.  I mean, how do you relate to numbers with that many zeroes in them?  For me, it's more about getting dinner at Pick Up Stix for $4.99.  That's what I call a bail-out.

Just when I didn't think another headline related to the economy could get my attention, I saw one the other day with the number $18.4 billion, and I began developing a facial twitch, not unlike the one worn by the Chief Inspector in the Pink Panther movies whenever he thinks about Inspector Clouseau. 

You see, $18.4 billion is the total amount of Wall Street bonuses paid in 2008.  In a country where the median income is $50,000, and hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars have been pledged to Wall Street, the recipients of said pledged money decided to pay themselves $18.4 billion in bonuses.  For what?  A job well done?  A way to keep top talent from leaving?  Hardly.  It's simply a matter of bonehead economics, which can be defined as:  A system in which an exhorbitant amount of money is paid to idiots by unsuspecting and sometimes unwilling investors.  A corallary to this definition is:  Idiots who are paid exhorbitant amounts of money laugh all the way to the bank.

In the spirit of bonehead economics, I'd like to present a three other idiots who, like the Wall Street geniuses before them, have made recent headlines:

Paul Blart: Mall Cop.   Hollywood produced its first billion-dollar January last month, thanks in no small part to the this insipid film starring Kevin James in the title role.  Paul Blart: Mall Clop has grossed more than $80 million in ticket sales and is closing in on $100 million.  On the BES (Bonehead Economics Scale), Paul Blart rates a 6.

Manny Ramirez.  There's no denying that this former Red Sox turned Dodger is an entertaining and talented baseball player.  But is he worth $25 million?  A year?  To play baseball?  The Dodgers must think so, because that's what they are offering him.  Let's see, if Manny gets it (and he probably will), that means every time he comes up to bat (assuming he gets 500 at bats in a season) he will be paid more than half of all American households earn in a year.  On the BES, Manny and his agent (for demanding it), and the Dodgers (for offering it) rate an 8.

John Thain.  This example doesn't have the Wow factor in terms of the dollar amount, but it definitely got my attention because of its sheer audacity.  John Thain is the outgoing CEO of Merrill Lynch, one of those wonderful Wall Street companies that benefited from the taxpayers' generosity because they lost billions last year.  It seems that during that same year, while in the throes of the eonomic meltdown, Mr. Thain ordered himself an $87,000 area rug as part of a $1.2 million office renovation.  Now that's what I call bonehead economics.  Give John Thain a 10 on the BES.

I could go on and name Citigroup, another recipient of the taxpayers' generosity, for ordering a $50 million jet, but the people in charge had the sense to cancel the order due to public outrage.  Maybe there are some sane people in the world after all.  I think my twitch is subsiding, partly because Citigroup cancelled the jet, and partly because I just found out Pick Up Stix is extending the $4.99 dinner for another week.