Everyone has two ages.  Your real age can easily be deduced by finding out what year you were born.  The second is a little more complicated.  You see, everyone also has a “dating age”.  This is, of course, the age you act when you are on a date or in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

For instance – I didn’t do much dating in high school (you’ll understand why if you glance to the right and see my prom picture.)  However, when I got to college I found myself in a very serious relationship that lasted many years.  So, even though my real age was 21, my dating age hovered somewhere around 13.  I was behind.  While others were dating I was reading gaming magazines, hunting for cheat codes for Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis (yes, I had the Super Nintendo version as well, but that one didn’t show blood so it wasn’t as fun to play.)  My peers were dating, interacting, and figuring out how relationships work first hand.  My life lessons consisted of whatever Danny Tanner told DJ in the serious moments of Full House episodes. 

As a result of my awkward dating age – I spent my college years making “rookie mistakes”.  Mistakes most of my friends were making in the eighth grade.  This is extremely unfortunate because as I am realizing – meeting women after college is not so easy. (See my previous blog on dating.)  But, however difficult, dating is necessary. 

It is for this reason that I get so frustrated with people (Christians mainly) who think dating is in someway sinful.  Dating is far from it.  Meeting a girl at a bar, taking her home and sleeping with her – that (I believe) is a sin.  But that, my friends, is not a date. 

However, it is the fear of such things that makes Christians so apprehensive about dating.  So how do they console themselves?  They invent “courting”.  Courting is when you decide you could marry someone you hardly know.  But – to avoid certain temptations, you only hang out with that person at church sponsored events.  Then – when you can’t fight off the temptations of the flesh any longer, you get married…to a person you hardly know.  Courting never allows you to see a person when they are angry, or frustrated, or depressed. 

Christians are so worried about finding “the one” that we often overlook the benefits of dating all the people who are not the one.  It is healthy to date around.  (Notice I said “date” around and not “sleep” around.  Sadly the distinction must be made.)  It is important so that we can find the attributes and personality traits that we like and also identify the ones we know we could never live with.  Many people (again, mostly Christians) are so bent on finding “the one” that they put all kinds of unnecessary pressure on a relationship that should be casual.

Ladies - you should not be picturing yourself walking down the isle with a guy if you haven’t even had dinner with him yet. 

Guys – you should not be picturing the girl on your wedding night if you haven’t even seen her in a pair of shorts yet. 

Just share a meal together.  Listen to one another.  And see where things go.