Chad Halliburton

Running

Chad Halliburton — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:06:23 -0700

My daughter is six-years old, going on 14. She loves to draw, laugh and ride bikes. Her favorite animal is a toucan and she has donated seven teeth to a toothfairy named “Starlight”. She is beautiful in the place it counts, and best of all – she still runs to me.

I see her after school, and she runs to me. Walking in from work…here she comes. Curly hair everywhere, legs flailing, crooked smile and all – she runs to me.

I know there is a day coming soon when that will stop. The run will turn to a walk. The smile might turn into a very calculated and cordial smirk. And all the reckless and unfiltered love that runs hard toward her Daddy might be swallowed down by approval, acceptance and cool.

As a Father and a person, I over-think things. I exhaust myself, and those around me by talking, analyzing and pondering. So, as an act of mercy (for you) and discipline (for me) I’m not going to figure out how to deal with this forthcoming transition in this here word document. Instead I simply want to remind and encourage us to breathe it in while we can. We are not guaranteed a single thing on this Earth, and neither are they.

So I walk into this new day eager to discover the small treasures we are given from hour to hour…the little things that truly fill the gaps in this“life to the full”. I will try to keep my eyes open to the here and now with no expectation of tomorrow.

Because if I don’t –

I fear she might run right by.

wILD hOTELS :: and other things I don't do often enough

Chad Halliburton — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:36:08 -0700

There is a strange phenomenon that I lived and understand completely but can’t necessarily explain: For kids, there is hardly anything greater than staying in a hotel. Add a pool to that and it’s pretty much heaven. More on this in a second...

One of the best times we can remember as a family came about two years ago when we went to Legoland and stayed in a hotel for two nights. Madeline and Grant (3 and 4 at the time) had stayed in hotels before, but this was the first time we would do it with just the four of us. The entire two days seemed set apart and very special, and the greatness began shortly after we arrived.

We check into our room and the phenomenon kicks in after about 14 seconds. We were in one of those places similar to the Embassy Suites with a mini-kitchen, living room and a separate bedroom. The kids began running around from room to room like little nutbars. They were literally going crazy. Screaming, laughing, jumping on beds, more loud screaming, slamming doors, screaming…

Jenn and I were marveling at our kids on speed when I decided to call them over to me. I used a very serious tone and made them stand in front of me – no talking.

“Madeline and Grant, you guys are being very loud and there are other people staying here," I said. "I want you both to listen to me right now and do exactly what I say, do you understand?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“I want you both to go back into that bedroom and start jumping on that bed even higher.”

(insert huge 3 and 4-year-old confusion turning into giant smiles here)

“Do you understand? Now get in there now and start yelling!”

And the euphoria began…..

It’s amazing how freeing and fun it was FOR ME to be that Dad. And it’s just as amazing how often I’m NOT that Dad. I know there needs to be some sort of balance here…but I wonder if when I’m 60 it will be these kind of moments I remember.

With that in mind, here are 10 of those cherished times that come to mind:

1) Jumping in the pool in our clothes after a four-hour drive

2) Madeline having a bowl of ice cream at IHOP for her Birthday Breakfast.

3) Putting them in my lap and letting them take the wheel of our van around our neighborhood.

4) Running in the sprinklers with them in my clothes

5) Having a “messy dinner” (cover table with garbage bags and eat with your hands). Thanks for this one Michelle...

6) Nighttime walks around our neighborhood in our wagon with flashlights and pajamas.

7) Sacrificing our little bitty Irvine porch as a permanent clubhouse.

8) Letting them ride on the gas tank of a motorcycle taxi in the Dominican Republic. Thanks for this one Michelle...

9) Letting them climb up and slide down an A-framed roof of snow at a Big-Bear cabin

10) And lastly, one of my favorites…..we were on our mission trip to the Dominican Republic and our transportation to and from a little village was a flatbed truck that we would all stand in (mmm, no carseat law). One time on the way back it started pouring rain. As I lifted Grant high above my shoulders in the wind and rain, he was yelling and screaming with such joy. I can still see his face…

p.b. (post blog...nice) Please add to this list so we can try some of your stuff!

sNAPsHOTS :: the day I met my daughter

Chad Halliburton — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:35:06 -0700

It's Father's day, so I figured I would write about the day it all began. I have a five-year-old son, Grant, and a 6 –year-old daughter. Here are some pictures from the day Madeline arrived...

Snapshot 1 :: I was ready
I was prepared. I had gone to class to learn about all of this. I knew how to help Jenn breathe. I knew how to do the “burrito wrap”. I went to “Daddy Boot Camp” class. Heck, I even went to a breastfeeding class – really, I did.

We arrive at the hospital early morning so they can begin to induce Jenn. I have with me, my bag of awesomeness. In my bag are all the things that will make me the best husband of all time.

Side note: The bag is huge.

I have two hand-held fans to cool her off. I have movies to watch while we’re waiting (I still don’t know why Shrek wasn’t a good choice. We hadn’t seen it yet. Mmm.). And the granddaddy of greatness – a boom box with a soothing waterfall CD to listen to while she is pushing away. I told you it was a bag of awesomeness.

Fast forward to labor time. At just the right moment, I walk over and push play on the magic husband machine and soon we hear the quiet rushing of water. Ahhhh. And as I’m waiting for Jenn to reach over and squeeze my hand or put some sort of medal around my neck – something horrible happens. Coming in behind the sound of the beautiful waterfall is – a – TRUMPET playing patriotic songs!! Are you kidding me??? Where did this come from? Who has sabotaged MY DAY?

Jenn was not pleased. Before I could get over to hit stop, she looks calmly at me and through her teeth says, “turn - that - off”.

“Yes dear……wanna watch Shrek?”

Snapshot 2 :: Mom’s are heroes
Jenn was in actual “pushing” labor for 3 hours. We were there much longer than that, but she was active for 3 hours. That is about as long as they let you go before doing a c-section. It was during these three hours that my love and respect for Jenn grew in brand new ways.

I don’t think I’ve ever, in my life, seen another person so completely at the end of themselves. The pain, exhaustion and emotional fatigue seemed like they were literally going to wipe her out. And then she would push again. And again. And again.

They told her she had one more push and they would have to do a c-section. One more.

She did it.

Snapshot 3 :: I am small
After about 2 hours and 45 minutes, the doctor announced that she could see Maddie’s head. I remember thinking, “in just a few minutes there is going to be another human being on this Earth. God is here. He had breathed life into a new person…and I'm going to meet her...”

I felt so small, so privileged just to get to even be in the room. It felt like Jenn and God were experiencing something so special, so beautiful together – and I was but a witness.

It’s hard for me to imagine how someone can go through the birth of a child and not know there is something bigger than us out there.

Snapshot 4 :: marriage
I laid down to sleep that night in the hospital chair/bed re-playing the events of the day. Thinking of Jenn…the labor….the doctors….family being there…..Madeline getting married….

WHAT??? (sound of record scratching here)

Yes - I did it. I’m laying there enjoying memories of one of the best days of my life and all of a sudden I begin picturing Madeline walking down the isle as a full grown woman. This is not ok. First of all, she’s not allowed to get married. Second of all, that boy, whoever he is, is not good enough for her. How will he ever love her as much as me? Who is he anyway…and who does he think he is? Does he have a job? Did he even ask me if he could marry Madeline? No, wait, did he even ask to court her? Yes, there won’t be any dating, only courting – at MY HOUSE…

You see? It’s a sickness. And I caught it that night.

Snapshot 5 :: The beautiful quiet
I eventually got myself together somehow and about that time Jenn and Maddie had woken up. It was time for a midnight snack.

The room was so quiet. I sat by the bed while Jenn held our treasure. It was peaceful and set apart. We looked at each other in a new way. Somehow God changed our love that night and it has never gone back. It’s hard to explain, but I loved Jenn more because she loved Madeline. And I barely knew this little girl, but would do anything for her.

After a while, I went back to my chair and slept soundly. I was full.

And this morning on Father’s Day - I woke up. And Madeline was six.

Swimming in hot chocolate

Chad Halliburton — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 21:13:18 -0700

Hot chocolate and a ride on an electric boat.

Two amazing things to a 4-year-old. These could be his if he would just swim five feet to me with his head in the water. Easier said than done.

His cold little body shivered on the side of the pool. His eyes were red and a bit puffy from plenty of crying. He continued to say through his tears, "I can't Daddy, I can't." But he had - many times before during swim lessons. But for some reason, this day was different.

Our family was at a wonderful vacation resort in the desert and had been building up to this moment for about 30 minutes. We splashed around while I cast visions of the boat ride, chocolate goodness, and way more "you can do its" and "you don't have to if you don't want tos" than he could possibly need. I now began to notice that some of the other people sitting around the pool had become increasingly interested in the situation as I'm certain we were distracting the relaxation at this point - just a hair. One lady keenly observed, "I think he's cold." Thanks for the input. As if my sons' convulsions didn't inform me of this fact.

Side note: It's amazing how much I really cared what everyone else thought about me. I wanted so much to stand up with a loudspeaker and let everyone that I'm a really good parent and I love my son and he loves me and he can actually do this because he's done it before and I don't desire for him to ever be sad and shiver and I would never make him do something he didn't want to and how I want more than anything for him to have hot chocolate and ride on that boat!

Back to the pool and the real problem. This situation is a perfect example of why I think parenting is so difficult and why in some situations I have only found one answer, one thing to be true - which I will get to in a second. You see, this whole time my son is sitting on the side of the pool, I'm in turmoil trying to figure out what is BEST for him.

First point - There is something good and healthy as a human being about learning to swim. It's not out of reach or asking him to do something unreasonable, and in the end I know this will bring him great joy. If I was asking him to bungee jump and he was having these same reservations, my struggle wouldn't be the same. But swimming, in general, is good. It's a skill that could actually keep him from harm and bring him happiness and fun at the same time. And it's a skill I know he can attain within the physical capabilities he has.

Second point - Everyone learns differently, at different paces, and has unique things to overcome. How these worlds are negotiated from situation to situation have potential to either build up or tear down depending on how they are handled. So with Grant, I think it's quite possible that he would swim to me and feel wonderful about it. I think it could catapult him into the swimming bliss that most kids experience in their lives. I also think it's quite possible that for his personality I could push him too hard too soon and tear down his confidence or enhance his fears about swimming and future things he might try.

Third point - I also bring my own crap to the table. I must also sort through how much I desire for him to overcome a fear - for me. How much I want him to accomplish something - for me. How much I want my son or daughter to be the best and not be weak and be great athletes and go to a good college and, and, and...get the point? All stuff Jesus strove for and wants for all of us, huh?

Sometimes I marvel at just how messed up I am. Yuck.

Needless to say, these three things make for a rough combination. Now, my wife and I have read countless books on parenting. We have been to classes on parenting. We have loads of friends around us who are wonderful parents. We have Grandparents who are wise and available to us. But not a single one of these sources has the exact knowledge of how to best love Grant Halliburton on the side of a pool in the desert at 2pm on a Friday afternoon in April. But there is an answer.

I was reminded that afternoon that here was yet another area of my life that is out of control and requires complete dependence and surrender to God. This wasn't the first time that I was out of answers as a parent and it certainly won't be the last. I have discovered great freedom in some very simple prayers to our creator. The creator of Grant. The one who actually knows every hair on his head. The one who created the water to swim in and the one who died for fear and tears and all the brokenness Dad brings to the pool as well.

Jesus, I don't know how to be a Dad. If I'm left to myself I will wreck this just like I have so many other areas of my life. Please teach me how to best love Grant right now. Please teach me what is best for him and how you want to raise him. Because I won't do it perfectly, please make up the difference in my mistakes. Thank you for your grace, mercy and patience as you allow me the gift of being a Father.

Now, please keep in mind this is all for FIVE FEET OF SWIMMING!! I love how God just doesn't waste anything in order to teach us.

So here it is. Grant jumped in and swam to me. We cheered and hugged and my throat was crying. We had that hot chocolate and rode on that freakin' boat.

And God taught me very clearly that I'm absolutely in over my head - just the way he wants it.