Nick Bogardus

Feel the Urgency

Nick Bogardus — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 07:48:53 -0800

15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5

Living on the Surface

Nick Bogardus — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:55:09 -0800

“TheWest in general and America in particular is to us a place of plenty,of opportunity, and of choices, not a place where we feel greatlyendangered. We certainly do not think of it as a place where we canlose our souls. If such thoughts do cross our minds, we would beinclined to suppose that souls are lost by doing large and inhumaneacts of evil, not by living in the realm of shallow and emptytriviality where so much of our life is moored. We live not out in thedepths of what is truly wrong, but on the surfaces where nothing isright or wrong and nothing really matters.”

David F. Wells, Above All Earthly Powers (Grand Rapids, Mi.: Eerdmans, 2005), 15.

(HT: The Big Picture)

In Their Own Words: Javzaa (Mongolian Videos)

Nick Bogardus — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 08:41:00 -0800

Javzaa from kim bogardus on Vimeo.

This is the 4th video in my wife's series of videos on her students. Javzaa is definitely one of our favorites. We teach her English every Friday and Kim has had her in both of her photography classes. She is also part of the really great crew that comes over for dinner and movie nights once a month. Javzaa is ridiculously smart (she speaks Mongolian, English, and Turkish), endearingly sweet, and endlessly kind. As you watch this video though, pay attention to what she says about parents, teachers, and why she wants to be a teacher.

No Room For Vanity

Nick Bogardus — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 07:58:25 -0800

One never can see, or not till long afterwards, why any one was selected for any job. And when one does, it is usually some reason that leaves no room for vanity. Certainly, it is never for what the man himself would have regarded as his chief qualifications.

-C.S. Lewis, Perelandra, pg. 22

Christmas From Mongolia: Incarnation

Nick Bogardus — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 07:57:22 -0800

It was -24 degrees the other night as we walked home. NEGATIVE TWENTY FOUR. The weather at home in California doesn’t even dip close to positive 24, much less -24. Kim and I held each other’s thickly mittened hands as we walked, looking at each other through the small gap for our eyes between our heavy scarves and beanies. Our words were reduced to steamy, muffled vowels. At that temperature your snot freezes inside your nose - a feeling I have never experience before coming to M*ngolia - and if you breathe with your mouth open your tongue goes numb pretty quickly and your teeth sting as if you were eating the coldest bowl of ice cream ever - ice cream made from dry ice or something. Lesson 1: Don’t mouth-breathe. Lesson 2: Don’t complain the next time I have to put a full-suit on to go surfing in the winter. It’s not that cold. I will still be able to feel my tongue.

It’s hard to believe that our one year mark of being in M*ngolia is right around the corner. In some ways, the weather here serves as a tangible example of the extremes that come with living in a country so diametrically opposite of our home. M*ngolia has some of the most severe weather on the planet, with summers soaring to over 100 degrees and winters plunging to, well, -24. Coming from a Southern California climate, this was shocking to say the least. But, it was the perfect backdrop for the adjustments and lessons that have come from living in a country whose biggest influences have been Russia and China, who are post-Communist but surging back towards socialism, and whose asian culture is dominated by Buddhism.

A New Shade of Pride

As I think about Christmas here in Mongolia, one word has stuck in my mind: incarnation.

In one way or another, that is one of the biggest lessons I have been learning since coming here.

As time has passed here, particularly in the first six months, I’ve come to see how much unseen pride I carried in my baggage from the States. I couldn’t see it but it was there, underlying every complaint, every cultural critique, every perceived sign of disrespect, and certainly with every overt slight. It was there when I walked into rooms. It was there when I argued with immigration officials.

I walked around with a gigantic American flag-shaped chip on my shoulder. I felt I was enlightened by the world-power Capitalism I breathed. I had the cooler-than-thou hipster air that comes with being from the country that influences all of world culture (even as much as I might loathe all that we export). I felt I deserved respect for no other reason than where I was from.

I hadn’t seen that particular shade of pride before. I have traveled a good amount in my life and never come face to face with it. Maybe, now that I’m living in another country - particularly one where I’m one of six Americans in a city of 90,000 - my nationality was the only protection I had. My identity, my shield, was based on where I was from.

It just goes to show you how insidious and chameleon-like pride can be. The very things you are proud of, are the things you will look down on other people for not embracing. If you value your intelligence, you will look down on others you perceive as less intelligent. If you value your looks, you will look down on others you perceive as not taking care of themselves or eating right. If you value your political views, you will look down on others you deem less enlightened. And so it goes, on and on.

It took awhile but I had to fight that cultural arrogance like those arcade games where you have a mallet and you hit the alligator heads that pop up. Or maybe it was more like weeding. Either way, it was not a fun fight and it was a repulsive part of myself to have to confront, but I’m glad I did. I’m grateful God showed me that. I’m more thankful He let me keep the mallet as a reminder and just in case.

Magnus & Johnny

Now, let me tell you about one of the most powerful things I’ve seen this year in M*ngolia. Last month I wrote about the national missions conference that was hosted by our church in our city. The keynote speaker was the Swedish pastor, Magnus, who lived here for 10 years and planted the church. He flew in from Turkey, where he is planting another church, to preached to his old people.

I had never seen anything like it. Here was this blonde, pasty-skinned Swede with glasses who came off like a native Mongolian. His language was pitch perfect. His tone was authoritative and humorous; he even told jokes like a Mongolian! Knowing the Mongolian culture’s affinity for stories, he told stories exactly as a Mongolian would. Here was a Swede in traditional Mongolian dress who had, thoroughly, become a Mongolian. Because of that he preached with power. I had never seen the Gospel preached like that. It was one of the most captivating things I’ve ever seen.

Similarly, I co-teach a Bible study at the church every Tuesday night with my friend Johnny. We’re about to wrap up a fall-long series on Romans. Johnny has been here for 4 years and speaks solid Mongolian. The Mongolians react to his teaching far more enthusiastically than mine. In fact I’ve noticed how their reactions change as Johnny switches between Mongolian and English. I can stand up there and give the most in-depth, detailed breakdown of a passage I can, and my questions would still be met with crickets and I’d still be met with blank stares at the end because I speak in English. Johnny, however, when he teaches in Mongolian, has them bantering with him and asking questions.

He Came

Where are you going with all of this Nick? And what does this have to do with incarnation?

Well, if I’m the bad example, then Magnus and Johnny are the good examples. And if they’re the good examples, then Jesus is the ultimate example.

The Doctrine of the Incarnation means that God became flesh. Think about that. Really, really think about. The God who made galaxies and constellations, DNA and photosynthesis, joy, and love took on flesh and walked with us. He ate, He drank, He worked, He laughed, He cried, and He joked. He got splinters, He got hungry, He tied sandals, and He got tired.

I subconsciously thought I was awesome because I was from America and I was going to a country in a less fortunate situation. Christmas and the incarnation lay waste to our infantile ideas of self and hideous egos. Christmas and the incarnation proclaim that God Himself came from heaven and took on our form. God used our language and our speech. He entered our history.

Jesus defines His mission in the Gospels, often by saying what He came to do.

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” (Luke 19:10)

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)

“I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:32)

Very simply, the verb “came” tells us that Jesus was somewhere else and left there to be with us. He was in His glory in heaven; the same glory described in Isaiah 6, Revelation, Ezekiel, and Daniel.

Additionally, in each of those verses Jesus is saying that He didn’t come to do what mankind expected of Him. In Luke 19, Jesus dined with Zaccheus, a tax collector that the Jews would hated and viewed as a traitor. In Mark 10, His disciples had just misunderstood His mission as Messiah and had asked to sit in positions of privilege in heaven with Him. In Luke 5, He ate and associated with sinners instead of with the well-respected and pious Pharisees.

What's In Your Hands?

Now, stay with me because here is my challenge.

One of the key verses for social justice is Jesus’ reading of Isaiah in Luke 4.

“18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”

The church does need to be preaching good news to the poor, proclaiming liberty to captives, giving sight to the blind, and freeing the oppressed. Absolutely. One of the Biblically-mandated duties of the Church, and of Christians, is to help the poor.

But, of course, there is a danger. The danger is busyness. The danger is doing and doing but without the Gospel. The danger is to - because of our upbringing in the church or social status or a hundred other pride-born, blinding reasons - remove ourselves from the position of those in need.

He came to call US, the sinners, to repentance.

He came to save US, the lost.

He came to give His life as a ransom for US, those in bondage and unable to free themselves.

He came to proclaim good news to US, the poor and needy who needed true spiritual food.

He came to be with tax collectors, foolish disciples, sinners and US, who are equally as traitorous, ridiculous, and in need of forgiveness.

The danger is overemphasizing GO GO GO for THEM THEM THEM and completely missing the Gospel of what He did to make us who we now are. Remember that pride I mentioned before? It can apply here too.

Unless we see ourselves in the position of being desperately in need of Jesus, then we will miss the Gospel and be serving people with a sense of pride. As the poor, we come to God with nothing in our hands. If we come to Him with anything in our hands, if we go to the poor in our community with anything but a humble embrace of the of the Gospel, then you can be sure that what we clutch will be pride.

Filthy Rags

The incarnation humbles us. The incarnation reminds us that it is Him who came to us, that it is Him who saves and who gives sight. Christmas is the awesome news that God, in the most unbelievable act of condescension, didn’t have pride that kept Him in heaven. He didn’t stay removed from His creation. He personally came into our skin, our history, and spoke to us; the God of the universe communicates with us in a way we can understand.

More so, the incarnation tells us that Jesus left His position of glory, power, and honor, to become poor. Literally, an eternal King became a homeless man. More shockingly, He came to us from being clothed in glory and worshipped by angels; and He died, naked, on a cross. First He became a man, then He who knew no sin took the world’s sins upon Himself to reconcile us to the Father. No other religion says that.

I don’t know about you, but all of that makes my pride in my nationality, my background, my upbringing, my intelligence, my achievements, my anything seem….as Isaiah would say, like filthy rags. I certainly don’t want to stand before God with anything in my hands, and I certainly don’t want to work among these people clutching anything other than the Gospel.

The words of a certain apostle come to mind; “Indeed, I count all things loss for the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith”. (Php. 3:8,9)

The Weary World

Robert Preus said that great hymns enable us to sing the faith into our hearts. This Christmas, as we dwell on the incarnation and as we gather to sing, may we fall on our knees from the wonder of it all. As we focus on Jesus’ appearing, may our souls feel their worth; and may we, the weary world, rejoice…wherever you are.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

My Best Reads of 2008

Nick Bogardus — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 08:21:27 -0800

For those of you looking for books to add to your Christmas list or for a gift for a bookish family member or friend, look no further. Here are a list of books - the majority of which I've read this past year - that I'd recommend. The ones I've read have kept me well nourished during this past year in M*ngolia. If you choose to pick any of these titles up, I'm sure they'll serve you well.

First up, the Re:Lit "Books You'll Actually Read" series published by Crossway. These books are all short in length, coming in at about 100 pages each. What they lack in length they make up for in content. I've read through both On the Old Testament by Mark Driscoll and On the New Testament by Mark Driscoll,and I've used On Who Is God by Mark Driscoll and Practical Theology for Women by Wendy Alsup as study resources. These books are great for laying down the basic information on their topics and I think, would be a valuable tool for any small group Bible study.

The next three books are by C.J. Mahaney. The first two, Humility: True Greatness and Living the Cross-Centered Life, I've read but the third I have not. Humility: True Greatness seems to be more geared towards men but I think anyone could gain from it. Mahaney tackles the difficult subject with his unique, pastoral voice in a way that is graceful, convicting, and helpful. Living The Cross-Centered Life is a fantastic short treatise on living a Christian life at the foot of the cross. His thesis, that the Gospel and the cross are things we never move on from in the Christian life. We are to dwell on them. The third Mahaney book, Worldliness: Resisting The Seduction of a Fallen World, is one I haven't read because it was released while we've been in M*ngolia; though if it's anything like the previous two I'm sure it's worth the time to read. Again, I would suggest that these would be great books for any small group Bible study.

The Courage to Be Protestant by David Wells (not the Yankees pitcher) was by far my favorite book of the year. Wells is a theologian who takes a distinctly sociological angle in his work. If you take books like The Tipping Point to go with your theology, the Wells is your man. In The Courage to Be Protestant, Wells deftly analyses the current state of the Protestant and Evangelical church and it's three main slices; truth-lovers, marketers, and Emergents. When I read books I enjoy and plan to use as a reference, I highlight passages, but I also keep a written index of the most important passages in the front of the books. With The Courage to be Protestant I have almost two full pages of indexed excerpts.

Ashamed of the Gospel: When The Church Becomes the World by John MacArthur. This book was written in 1993 about the upsurge in Modern, seeker-sensitive churches. As is his style, MacArthur dissects the landscape methodically and Biblically. In a great move, MacArthur contrasts the battle versus the torrent of pragmatic, marketing-driven churches with Charles Spurgeon's battle verses liberalism in the Downgrade Controversy of the late 1800's. This book was my second favorite of the year because I found that you can essentially swap out Modernism and it's characteristics for Post-Modernism and it's attributes. Similarities between Spurgeon in the 1800's, MacArthur's critique of the Modernism of the 90's, and our the current situation with the Emergent church abound. [I also think it's worth noting that both Wells and MacArthur, 15 years apart, identify George Barna and his trend-following, marketing-driven approach to church as hazardous and harmful. This should raise red flags for anyone reading anything with his name on it.]

The Living Church: Convictions of a Lifelong Pastor by John Stott is a fantastic look at the essential characteristics of a true, thriving, Christian church. It's a great book because the qualities he proposes are Biblical and therefore transcend any single denomination or way of "doing" church. In fact, the point of this book is that if you are "doing" church and these four qualities aren't there, you're doing it all wrong. This is another book that would be a great guideline and resource for a small group Bible study.

The Bondage of the Will by Martin Luther was a dense and difficult, but rewarding, read for me. Luther's argumentative force is enormous and, at times, strangely really funny. I feel like I learned just as much from reading his arguments as from "hearing" them. That's not to say it didn't feel a bit repetitive at times; though that seems due more to Erasmus' repeated arguments than anything else. As I'd hoped, I walked away feeling more grounded in the classical Protestant doctrine of the Bondage of the Will. The prologue by J.I. Packer alone is worth the price of the book.

Whatever Happened to Worship?: A Call to True Worship by A.W. Tozer. This book is a collection of sermons on worship that Tozer gave to his church in Toronto. I love Tozer's combination of scalpel-and-wrecking-ball-like insights and critiques, and his obvious zeal and passion for a blazingly dynamic faith. I think you can be a dry, scholastic and be refreshed by Tozer's fervency for a faith enlivened by the Holy Spirit. An emotionally-led charismatic can read Tozer and be strengthened by his unwavering Biblical focus. From whatever door you come into Tozer's work, you can find common ground and encouragement from an unyielding, pastoral voice.

Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. As a parting gift before we left for Mongolia, our small group gave me the C.S. Lewis Space Trilogy - I assume mostly at the insistence of Dustin. I don't read Sci-Fi. It's hard for me to read Sci-Fi. I've also never played War Craft. It's hard for me to identify with the characters and worlds of science fiction. I can get into stories, but because they're so obviously fake I can't personally identify with Klingons. That might be changing though. A month ago I found myself riveted at a dialogue-less, animated Wall.E.; and now, just this week, I tore through Out of the Silent Planet in three days. I couldn't stop it was so good. So, here is my first recommendation for a Science Fiction book. Make fun of me all you want. Dustin, Ralph, and Jonathan, you can rub it in my face. I guess I just have a soft spot for hrosses.

What about you? What are some of your favorite reads of this year?

Johnny Cash on Regrets

Nick Bogardus — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:37:59 -0800

...And despite all the ups and way-downs of his long life, Johnny Cash says he has no regrets.

"I used to," he says, "But I forgave myself. When God forgave me, I figured I'd better do it, too."

--Johnny Cash, from MTV.com interview

Sunday Miscellanea

Nick Bogardus — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:02:46 -0800

The Girl In The Window - Probably the most heartbreaking news story I've read in a long time, but worth it for the hope that adoption and a good family can bring as well as the developmental needs of children.

The Decline and Fall of Charity - "If you think retailers have it bad this Christmas, consider the effect that a slumping economy will have on America’s charities [and churches]." It's a good wake up call for anyone involved in non-profits and especially for Christians.

Some Questions to Ask When Considering a Job - John Piper gives some solid, practical, and Biblical advice.

Hammock - Kenotic - Kim and I have been loving this record the entire time we've been here. Even more compelling, it makes our friend's bunny, Boo, face directly at the stereo, perk up his ears and fall sleep. It's all instrumental, beautiful, and good for listening to...well, anytime really.

This is our weather forecast for the next month. January and February only get worse.

Giving Thanks In Mongolia

Nick Bogardus — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 08:31:08 -0800

In the spirit of David Letterman and High Fidelity, I'll make a list. Here are the top 10 things I'm thankful for in Mongolia.

10. The ability to be a minority and an outsider. Don't get me wrong, this is actually one of the harder parts of living in M*ngolia. A lot of people here don't like foreigners and they'll go out of their way to yell at you, bump into you, laugh at you, sometimes start fights with you, and generally let you know how much you're not cared for. It doesn't come close to the magnitude of their struggle, but I think it's given me a whole new appreciation for what minorities in America have to go through to integrate and assimilate into our culture.

9. The chance to be friends with a people and a culture so foreign to my own. If I had never come here, I probably would've gone through my life never knowing a Mongolian or anything about their culture other than Chingiss Khan came from here. I'm thankful that we have friends out here that, when I think about it, will be really hard to say goodbye to. But that's a good thing because that just means they're substantial and that we've learned and given to each other. The flipside of the negative aspects of #10 are the positive experiences with the warm, curious, giving, and welcoming M*ngolians we've met.

Also, the chance to live in a culture so opposite of our own - one with a foundation of Communism, socialism, Buddhism, and atheism - has been eye-opening and something I could've never seen or experienced had I not actually lived in a developing country that's landlocked between Russia and China.

8. The ability to miss so much. I kid you not I dream about the ocean and surfing at least once a week. We miss the smallest things out here. For example, we realized that we haven't even seen lettuce since we left in February. Lettuce. I haven't felt a hug from my parents, grandparents, or friends in close to a year. You don't realize how much you can miss those little things and how much they really mean.

7. The ability to not miss so much. At the same time as I miss a lot of things, being here and having to live a simpler lifestyle has helped me see how many things in life are just filler, just distraction.

6. The ability to have Christian community at all. So many Christians around the world don't have the luxury of being able to go to church or meet with other Christians. Because of persecution or geographic isolation, many Christians have to meet secretly, infrequently, or not at all. Worse yet, in so many nations where that ability is a right people don't meet, don't go to church, and don't support the church for reasons of lethargic and selfish convenience. Again, I'd never have the experience if we didn't live here but having consistent fellowship with Mongolian, Swedish, Canadian, Dutch, and French Christians has really opened my eyes to the necessity of Christian community. I'm incredibly thankful that God brought us to a place that, even though itself is unbelievably isolated, none of us really are. None of us are alone.

5. The ability to see American culture in new ways. It would be so easy to be cynical, to condemn the hysterical consumerism and materialism we live in. But I'm not going to do that. I will say that I'm thankful to be able to step outside of our culture and look in, and I'm anxious to see how that really plays out when we move back home.

I've traveled a lot in my life but I'd never seen just how far American culture permeates around the globe. The paved highway that connects our city (the second biggest in the country) to the capital was built just four years ago. Until four years ago, if people wanted to go to Ulaanbaatar their options were a horrific and nauseating ride in a Russian jeep with 15 other people over the bare M*ngolian steppe, or an overnight train that was something out of a Western movie. Despite that, the youth here are totally saturated in hip hop, the NBA, and pop stars.

4. The ability to see Christianity in new ways. Again, wouldn't it be so easy to be cynical about our Americanized Christianity? But I'm not. I'm thankful to be here and to experience my faith lived out in a totally different context. If I said "different context" back home people might think denominationally; "charismatic", "presbyterian", or "southern baptist". But to experience Christianity in a society so radically different from my own has been completely altering.

I don't know the language very well at all out here. I can get by when I go shopping but that's about it. So, I can't really sing along during worship. Even so, what I like to do is close my eyes and just listen to a completely foreign people sing in a completely foreign tongue, praising God. I imagine that's what heaven will sound like - in fact that's exactly what Revelation describes. I guess I just get a sneak preview.

3. The encouragement of family & friends. I've never been good at asking for help but in so many things we've been utterly dependent on people back home. My parents have helped out with more than I could have ever asked and if it weren't for them I probably wouldn't legally be allowed to come back home. :) Our family and friends have been so great about sending emails and packages to encourage us and brighten our spirits when the days are hard out here. We're supremely grateful for such loving families and friends. Kim and I are constantly saying to each other, "We are so lucky."

2. The ability to see my wife in new ways. I get to see Kim operate in circumstances that are completely extraordinary to those we'd have if we were at home. Though she humbly denies it and downplays it, her M*ngolian is fantastic. The M*ngolians are always complimenting her language and they are so appreciative that she learned their language so well.

She's gone through some really hard situations job-wise here; from a director who thought he was some bizarre combination of Stalin and Trump to a school who ran out of money and didn't have any students so they left her all alone in a room all day doing nothing. God got her through that and put her in the place she wanted to be all along; doing a number on her through the process. It's awesome to see how much she grew from just that one set of circumstances.

She created and implemented a photography curriculum with her friend Rachel, giving the M*ngolian children something they'd never had before and doing something no other PC volunteer had done.

Since she is a foreigner AND a girl, she has two strikes going against her and that creates for some very difficult situations for her. She gets disrespected a lot and has to bear with a lot of crap, but she does it, for the most part, with grace. (There are sometimes when she just has to stick up for herself though) :)

Most of all, she has stepped outside of herself to really connect with her students and form wonderful relationships with them. Their parents tell her how thankful they are that she is their child's teacher and the kids absolutely adore and look up to her. She is only able to do that because she is so tenaciously compassionate and has made amazing efforts to cross cultures. I'm really thankful I've gotten to see and be a part of all of that.

1. The ability to see God in new ways. I've had the hymn "Great Is They Faithfulness" stuck in my head for a few weeks. All that we've needed, His hand has provided. When we've needed it the most, in His most humorous timing, He has provided cheer, strength, and hope. More than ever in my life, I feel like I've actually begun to get a glimpse of who God is, how He doesn't change, and how, because of that, His promises are sure. I am just so eternally grateful that He has been so faithful to a little clay pot like me.

There is no way right now to see how this experience will play out in Kim and my lives together but, one thing I am sure of is that He is good and He is faithful.

I'm just curious, how have you seen God's faithfulness in your life in the past year?

The Law & Gospel Of The First Year of Marriage

Nick Bogardus — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 07:22:12 -0800

Almost a year into marriage and this week I discovered that my approach has been all wrong.

Well, not all wrong but I've certainly uncovered a major flaw.

The enemies of the Gospel - and coincidentally our default modes - are legalism and license. License is easy to spot because, well, it's rebellion that says, "That's nice that I'm redeemed and grace is wonderful but I'm still going to live my life my way." Legalism, in so many words says, "My good works and life are so much better than those other people's, it's no wonder God redeemed me." In either case, you remain your own lord and you worship things other than God.

[Sidenote: I read a great quote by CJ Mahaney yesterday where he said, "Legalism is self-atonement, for the purpose of self-glorification, ultimately for self-worship."]

Now, I'm sure we're all familiar with how Jesus treated the Pharisees. He rebuked them and their self-righteousness harshly. For Christians the Pharisees are easy targets. They're a big, soft target we can throw rocks at from the couch. It's a label we toss on people with opinions that conflict with, and are louder than, our own. We rarely see the Pharisee in our own heart.

For almost a year Kim and I have been settling into marriage here in Mongolia. I've written about marriage a bit before, so I'll cut right to the chase on this one. What I assume is true for every marriage is that most of the first year is one of stepping on land mines and feeling each other out. You learn what the other person's routine is like, through arguments you learn what makes the other person tick, and - for us guys - with every inconceivably stupid thing you do or say, you learn where not to step.

What I realized is that I'd been keeping somewhat of a map of the minefield. I'd been noting what not to do, where not to step, what not to say, etc etc. The trouble is, I've found that while I might not step in the same hole twice, I stepped in holes that looked familiar enough that I should've identified them, but I blamed the casualties on them not being on my map of sorts. I had a list of all the the things Kim doesn't like, a record of my own dimwitted moves. What I found was that instead of keeping me from doing new mistakes, the list just kept growing; the minefield got more elaborate.

Why did Jesus rail so sternly on the Pharisees and legalism while lifting up the humble? Why did Paul hammer on works and extol grace? Because ultimately the Gospel is about a changed heart, and legalism has never changed anyone.

This works itself out in faith by seeing God for who He is, seeing your sin for what it is, and dwelling on the amazing work that God did to make you who you are, now, as a Christian: redeemed, forgiven, adopted, reconciled, justified, loved, freed, and called among many others. In the New Testament, when Paul gets to the end of a dense theological section, he often erupts in praise and wonder. A changed heart in awe of God can't help but worship.

Now, this works itself out in marriage similarly. Instead of simply trying not to do things wrong with Kim, I should be cultivating a heart that adores her more deeply. Instead of keeping a list of things not to do, I should constantly dwell on all of the incredible things about her and the myriad of ways I'm thankful for her. From a thankful heart flows fruit.

I encountered my inner marriage Pharisee this week; and though it's never a fun thing to have to face, it's incredibly liberating. When God gets a hold of you, changes you, and frees you from being your own savior or lord, you're finally free to worship and echo Augustine when he said that men were made for God and our hearts are restless until we find Him.

So it goes with marriage. I no longer have to micromanage a list or tensely wade through a field of possibly explosive mistakes. Instead, with an eager heart growing in thankfulness, I can serve and run unbounded towards the girl God made my heart to love.