In the ConversantLife.com Q&A section, on of our users recently posted this questions: What do I say to my 18 year old son who is looking at internet porn frequently? I am the mom and very concerned and sad about this issue, while his dad does not seem to concerned and is not really addressing the issue with my son.

I was compelled to give the response below:

I think what you say and what you do are two different things.

What you say:

Start off by letting him know that he isn’t alone. It is a struggle that all males deal with. However – it is an addiction like any other. And just like substance abuse eventually affects more than just the user – his pornography addiction is going to affect him as well as those around him. (Most notably – the girls he will date and the one he will eventually marry.) Pornography is simply an investment in false reality and false intimacy. It is a mutilation of something that was created by God and intended to be something good.

So there I was sitting in church.

I’m not going to say I was diligently taking notes, but I was paying attention.

As our pastor was wrapping up the sermon on this communion Sunday, he held up a piece of bread, broke it, and instructed us to come forward to receive the elements.

The band played a song about Christ’s blood and people began walking forward.  I glanced up from my aisle seat and out of the corner of my eye saw something that prompted me to immediately get up and join the line.

It wasn’t a vision and it certainly wasn’t the Holy Spirit moving…

It was a girl.  A girl’s ass to be more specific. 

I saw it, got up, and followed it to the alter.

So much for the Lord’s instructions: “Do this in remembrance me.”

I have worked with teenagers in some capacity for the last 5 years.  I like to tell people that it slows down the aging process.  Although if you know me, you might argue that what it really does is slow down the maturing process.  Either way – I love what I do.  I teach.  My job is to help students succeed; in class, at home and in life.  Most days I feel very lucky and blessed, however, there are those days when I just leave feeling, well, scared.

Not scared for my safety (although I have those moments too) but frightened for the future.

I work with high school students.  Students who can legally drive a car, vote for the president, and fight for our country.  And yet, these same students, when asked to name one cause of the Civil War, answered:

Guys – you have all been there: minding your own business; content in the quiet solitude of a lazy Sunday afternoon.  And then, out of nowhere, a bomb is dropped, catching you completely off-guard.

Your lady breaks the peaceful silence by leaning over and asking,

“What are you thinking?”

Now – in my experience – the correct answer is:

“Oh, just about how lucky I am to have you.”

However, (and ladies please take note of this) the truthful answer is:

“Nothing.  I wasn’t thinking about anything.  I was staring at my empty beer can wishing it was a fresh cold one.  That is all.”

The truth is not always what women are looking for; men either for that matter.  There are times in a relationship when all a person wants is a little reassurance. 

Everyone has two ages.  Your real age can easily be deduced by finding out what year you were born.  The second is a little more complicated.  You see, everyone also has a “dating age”.  This is, of course, the age you act when you are on a date or in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

For instance – I didn’t do much dating in high school (you’ll understand why if you glance to the right and see my prom picture.)  However, when I got to college I found myself in a very serious relationship that lasted many years.  So, even though my real age was 21, my dating age hovered somewhere around 13.  I was behind.  While others were dating I was reading gaming magazines, hunting for cheat codes for Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis (yes, I had the Super Nintendo version as well, but that one didn’t show blood so it wasn’t as fun to play.)  My peers were dating, interacting, and figuring out how relationships work first hand.  My life lessons consisted of whatever Danny Tanner told DJ in the serious moments of Full House episodes. 

It’s My Dick In a Box

            So the title is crude – but I am simply quoting a hilarious Justin Timberlake/Andy Samberg SNL sketch.  A sketch which really got me thinking…(not “thinking” like that.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, Justin Timberlake is an attractive man – I just don’t think things would really work out between us – our lives are just in two different places right now.)  But I digress – I was thinking about the literal realization of my genitalia in a box.  Not as a gift for someone as JT suggested – but as a gift from God.  What if God, in all his wisdom, chose to bestow men with our reproductive organs on our wedding day???!!!  

            Stay with me here:  If our wieners (I will use that word because I find it less crude / more hilarious than genitalia) were truly meant for one woman, after marriage – than receiving said wiener on your wedding day seems pretty appropriate.

It’s My Pity Party – and YOU”RE Invited!

            Being single and an active member in the “dating scene” is not easy.  Nor is it even fun.  Dating sucks.  It’s basically two people regurgitating the same information over and over.  Job, hobbies, family, etc.  

Dating especially sucks for me.  Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment –but I just have this need to create awkward situations.  I love to ask questions that make people uncomfortable. 

Usually on a first date (and this is a very mild example) I love to ask the girl to “tell me something new”.  Anything.  About themselves, or their beliefs, or the world in general.  Just something that I don’t already know or haven’t already thought about.  Yes, it’s true – I am fishing here.  Fishing for something profound.  Unfortunately, 96% of women take this opportunity to tell me their sign.  As if the fact that they are a Libra is of any concern to me.  The only good that comes from this is that I now know I don’t have to waste my time with a second date.