When I was a little girl, my parents had a cartoon philosophy book in our library.  I loved that book - probably because it was the only book with illustrations in a room full of hardbound theology books and bible commentaries.  As an adult, I now see the humor in the book - it was a simple book with a different philosophy exemplified on each page by a hand-drawn pig.  There is a Socratic pig in deep conversation with a disciple, a Franciscan pig with his congregation of animals, and two Sartrian pigs in the days of the resistance. We see a Presbyterian pig searching for signs of grace (with a magnifying glass), a Campbellite pig being silent where the Bible is silent, and a follower of Kierkegaard demonstrating a leap of faith. Hysterical, right?

 

 Well, folks, my fifteen minutes is up.  I was glad have a chance to share a bit of our adoption story on a national media outlet.  Leading up to the show, my mind was racing with points I wanted to make about adoption.  It's something I'm so passionate about, and it's hard not to replay what I wish I would have said.  Here's a bit of it . . .

So . . . some big news.

I flew to New York today to do a taping for The View.  It will air this Friday.  It is for a segment about adoption.

 
(Mark and I on the plane from LAX to JFK)

Oh my word.  I am not usually the nervous type.  I AM NERVOUS.

I started thinking today about everything I want to say about adoption.  I started planning the points I wanted to make, and the myths I wanted to dispel, and the realities that need to be heard.  And then I remembered the handfull of interviews I did after the earthquake, and how fast it goes.  And how you think you know what you want to say, but the questions may not give way to the points you've planned, and before you know it they are wrapping up.  And suddenly you and Don Lemon are having a bumbling moment of confusion on live tv because he doesn't realize that my Haitian son isn't a baby, so when he refers to the baby you think he's talking about Karis, so then you explain that the baby came home from Haiti, and then he's confused because he thought your child was still in Haiti, and OH MY GOSH WHO'S ON FIRST?

And The View.  I mean, those ladies.  Who can keep up with them?  My only hope is that I'm just talking to one of them, not ALL FIVE.  Yeesh.

Only I hope it's not Joy.  Because all I will be able to think of is Fred Armisen saying, ""So what? Who cares?"and talking about his brasierre.

continue reading

I've wanted to be a psychotherapist since I was in eighth grade. It's what I went to school for, and it's what I've done for the last ten years. I've been licensed and with with the same private practice for ten years. It was a very comfortable place to be. I liked my colleagues, I liked that the job was challenging and cerebral, and I loved that I could set my own hours and work part-time for a decent wage. One of the things that drew me to this career was that I thought it would be very compatible with motherhood. I thought I could see a part-time caseload during Mark's off days, while staying home with the kids.

This worked out well when Jafta was a baby. I really enjoyed going in to work, and the adult conversation was a welcome change to the quiet days at home with a baby. When India came along, it got a little more difficult to juggle. I felt a little more frazzled in session, and really struggled to keep up with returning phone calls and setting appointments during the week. Once I had Karis, I could barely find the time to call back the referrals I got. The few long-standing clients I saw after her arrival were hard for me. I felt like my brain was in short-circuit mode. I just couldn't get my head into a space where I could really be present with clients. I am an introvert, and motherhood was draining any energy I had that I could previously devote to my job.

continue reading

I think it’s fair to say that many of us who write our own blogs also read a lot of blogs. We might also spend a fair amount of time on twitter. We might also waste a bit of time on facebook. And before we know it, we might find ourselves wondering how it got to be 1am and we still haven’t put the dinner dishes away.

And by we, I mean me.

I spend entirely too much time online. It's what a call a neutral addiction. It's not hurting anyone - I'm not flying into a drunk rage or throwing my life away or getting arrested. I'm just quietly wasting lots and lots of time.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. It has certainly expanded my worldview and made me feel a part of a broader community of moms. I have never had that sense of isolation as a mom that I heard my mother’s generation talk about. Despite the fact that some days I don’t ever make it out of my pj’s, I still feel like I get to do a little socializing every night on facebook. When my kids go down for a nap, I can catch up on my reader to see what my friends are doing, or relate to an anecdote from someone else in a similar lifestage. I can blog about my struggles with choosing a minivan, or dealing with the school bully, or my inability to remember my assigned snack day in the classroom, and the comments often feel like my very own community of women, propping me up and guiding me along the journey.  It's also provided me with an amazing community of adoptive moms, with families that look like mine.  I may not see them every day, but I know they are out there, and I get to keep up with them on facebook and twitter.

continue reading

I got a Stuff White People Like flip calendar for Christmas. I am enjoying it very much. This was last night's entry:

The Daily Show/Colbert makes up a duo that is held in such high regard by white people that to criticize it would be the equivalent of setting the pope on fire in Italy in 1822. It just isn’t done, in fact it isn’t even considered!

White people love to make fun of politics, especially right wing politics. It’s a pretty easy target and makes for some decent humor, but white people are actually starting to believe that these two shows are becoming legitimate news sources.

“Oh, I don’t watch the news,” they will say. “I watch the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. You know, studies show that viewers of those shows are more educated than people who watch Fox News or CNN.”

continue reading

Mark and I bought our house about seven years ago.  It's a very old house, and not a lot of repairs have been made since it was built, so it has had a fair share of issues.  One of those issues was the main sewage line in our front yard.  Tree roots had intertwined around the pipe, and were growing and blocking the passage of water.  Every couple of months, this sewer line would get so backed up that our toilets and showers would start draining slowly.  The whole house would stink.  We had a plumber come out and diagnose the problem.  He could snake the drain out to the main line for about $250.  Or we could repair the main line completely, for $5000.

continue reading

I am a little uncomfortable with calling myself an "earthquake survivor". When I got back from Haiti, I had my little 15 minutes of fame as all the local news channels tried to get an interview with the "local Orange County woman who survived the earthquake". It all seemed very overdramatic to me - but I realize (sadly) that people tend to be more interested in a story about someone they identify with. I did the interviews, most of them on my first full day home, because I wanted to use the attention to talk about humanitarian parole. As I saw the stories later, I chuckled at the little liberties they took to make it sound more dramatic, and I rolled my eyes at the descriptor of "earthquake survivor". It doesn't seem a fitting title for someone who doesn't even live in Haiti, for someone who came out unscathed, from someone who took a plane home to a normal life and an intact home.

continue reading

I don't really think the latest Glen Beck quote needs much editorial from me - but I am concerned about the implications, given Beck's popularity with evangelical Christians.

"I'm begging you, your right to religion and freedom to exercise religion and read all of the passages of the Bible as you want to read them and as your church wants to preach them . . . are going to come under the ropes in the next year. If it lasts that long it will be the next year. I beg you, look for the words 'social justice' or 'economic justice' on your church Web site. If you find it, run as fast as you can. Social justice and economic justice, they are code words. Now, am I advising people to leave their church? Yes!"

continue reading

When Mark and I are "on our game" (which we are not right now), we like to do affirmations with the kids at the dinner table. Generally it involves us going around the table and saying a few things we like about each kid, and a few ways they have made us proud that day. We haven't done this since Kembe came home, and the other night as we were eating it occurred to me that we needed to include him in this tradition.

I went around the table, saying the usual things. As we affirmed Jafta, and then India, and then each other, Kembe sat there quietly, with wide eyes and a curious look. I could tell he understood what I was saying and was watching with anticipation. Then, it was his turn. I told him in my best Krenglish how much I loved him, how funny he is, how nice he is to the baby, how handsome he is, and how happy we are that he is in our family.

Oh my word. If I could have somehow captured the look on his face at this moment, it would melt your heart. He just got this look about him that I've never seen. It was pure joy . . . just unadulterated excitement and pride and happiness. He was BEAMING. And seeing him, I just thought: this.

This is what every child longs for and deserves . . . the adoration and affection from a parent. This is why I spent the better part of a day sounding off at a small portion of a news program dissing adoption. This is why I get so frustrated with attempts to shut down children being placed in the home of a loving family, because of something like race, or location, or sexual orientation, or finances, or home size.

When you see a glimpse of a child getting it - this. This family thing. When that starts to click and you get to bear witness to it . . . I just don't think there is anything more beautiful.

continue reading