Jim Farmer

Bigger Joys

Jim Farmer — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 23:57:04 -0800

This past weekend, on a creative whim, I decided to head to the beach to photograph the sunset. I had noticed some gorgeous sunsets in a perfectly clear sky over the last few days and decided I needed to document at least one of them.

I hopped in my car and headed to the beach and noticed just how cloudy it was getting. I walked down to the shore and saw this:

It was more dreary than I expected. I thought the cloud cover would block any good light and the trip would be a bust. But, I decided to stick around - just in case.

After a few minutes, I was struck by the beauty of the sun peaking through the pylons of Huntington Beach pier:

I was excited - and breathed a sigh of relief. I grabbed a couple of interesting photos of this perfect alignment and was quite content.

Then, I noticed a growing orange glow:

I was struck by the warmth of the glow and genuinely thought this was a nice sunset. Thinking I had captured what I needed of the sunset, I turned my back and grabbed some random photos of lifeguard towers, strangers, seagulls, and the like.

Then, I heard an audible gasp from someone in my vicinity. When I turned around, I saw this:

I gasped myself. I realized then I was foolish for short changing God. He was in charge of this sunset and He wanted to put on a spectacular show. Just when I thought the colors couldn’t get more intense, I would see this:

And finally, this:

As I drove home, I couldn’t help but wonder - how many times in my life have I settled for the small joy God has for me, only to turn my back on the huge, vibrant, breathtaking joy God actually has in store?

Musings on Dating

Jim Farmer — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 14:37:36 -0800

So one thing I’ve shied away from discussing on this blog are my experiences with dating. When I was going through my separation from my wife, I made a conscious effort to not date, or even really allow myself to consider who I would date if the opportunity arose. My heart was on saving my marriage, and dating would just complicate things more. Even when it was clear we weren’t going to reconcile, I refrained from dating. To finalize our divorce, we had to sign paperwork and then wait for 6 months. I used that 6 month period as a transition - praying honestly for a marriage revival miracle, but also preparing my heart for a transition back into the life of a single man back in the dating world.

I’ve got to tell you - it was scary. I was never much of a dater in high school. In fact, my ex-wife was really my first serious relationship. We started dating when I was 21, so by the time my divorce was finalized, it had been 7 years since my last first date. As if that wasn’t scary enough, I was in a totally different dating landscape - gone were the days of mining your classmates and co-workers for dates and hookups. The “grown-up” singles scene is characterized by bar pick-ups, blind dates, online dating, and - the HORROR - church singles mixers events!

Regardless, I jumped back in to the dating pool. Reluctantly at first, sure, but as time has moved forward, I’ve moved forward with more and more confidence. I’ve been on more first dates this past year than I have my entire life (I guess that’s not entirely a ringing endorsement on the success of those first dates!). Over the course of this past year, I’m starting to learn a few things about the dating scene, and I thought I’d share them here.

1. When newly single, you must allow mom to set you up on one obligatory blind date.

If it works out, awesome - bonus points for mom! If it doesn’t, you have a built-in reason to say ‘no’ for any and all future blind date potentials, no questions asked.

2. Picking up girls at church is kind of creepy.

Shouldn’t you focus on worshiping the Creator, not the cute brunette sitting next to you?*

3. Online dating is a great way to get dating experience - especially when you’re a normal, decently attractive male.

Here's the thing though - I know I’m not creepy. I just have to make sure the girls understand I’m not creepy as well. Not necessarily the best way to start off a relationship, but when you think about it - whether your'e meeting girls on line or at the bookstore, your first and primary goal is to not come across as creepy.

4. As a single, you are fully expected to have your male single friends meet your female single friends.

However, when the majority of your male single friends are Christians and your majority of your female single friends aren’t - both sides just get mad at you.

5. Distance matters, at least for me.**

6. I’ll admit it, I look at your profile pictures first - if I like what I see, then I look at your profile.

I’m a guy. Sue me. If we were to meet at a party, I wouldn’t talk to you with my eyes closed until I figured out if I liked your personality or not.

7. Use caution when non-believer friends set you up with their “spiritual” friends.

As we all know, “spiritual” can run the gamut from God-fearing lover of Jesus to tree-hugging lover of the Universe. (If “The Secret” is their favorite book, run - don’t walk - in the opposite direction as fast as you can!)

8. Whoever came up with the rule “half your age + seven” is wrong.

I’m not interested in dating a 22 year old - yet.

9. There is never a good time to break up with a girl.

If you procrastinate, you only increase the chances that a family tragedy will strike, making the break-up that much more necessary, yet that much more awkward. Moral of the story: if you know it's not going to work out - end it. Quickly. Just rip off the band-aid. Trust me on this.

So, readers, what are some things you’ve learned from your dating life?

* I am guilty of this.

** Unless we totally connect, and you’re the new love of my life. In which case, it doesn’t matter.

Mysterious Ways

Jim Farmer — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 21:40:08 -0700

Johnny take a dive with your sister in the rain

Let her talk about the things you can’t explain

To touch is to heal

To hurt is to steal

If you want to kiss the sky

Better learn how to kneel

- U2’s “Mysterious Ways”

A couple Sundays ago, I was walking into the 9 am service at my church (I typically think of the 9 am service as the “grown up” service, because the people that go to that service no longer care about sleeping in. Since I’ve turned 30, I’ve become “those people”. I’m also contemplating taking a bus to work periodically. I think this is my mid-life crisis.), minding my own business, saying hi to some friends, and looking forward to being just another “seat filler” for the service. (I spent my time doing some ministry work earlier this summer, I was ready to just sit back and hear about God! Cut a 30-year old some slack, okay?)

Anyway, no sooner did I take two steps in the building when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The tap was from one of the pastors at my church.

Pastor: Hey Jim, morning! Me: Oh, hey pastor! How’s it going?

Pastor: Great! Hey, by the way today’s service is going to be a healing service and we need people to pray and heal people during the response time. Can you come up and help heal people?

(Please note, he is asking me this in the same tone one would use to ask a friend to grab an extra napkin from the condiments station at McDonald’s.)

Me: Oh, yeah, sure, no problem!

(Please note, I am responding in the same tone one would use to tell said friend that it certainly would not be a problem to grab an extra napkin for them.)

Healing services are not regular occurrences at my church, and I was caught quite off guard. I’m also a man of my word and knew that I’d be up at the end of the service praying for healing whether I was comfortable with it or not.

I’m going to go ahead and pause here for a second. This is the point in the story where my non-Christian & hipster-Christian readers are rolling their eyes and thinking ‘wow, I didn’t know that Jim was that hardcore/crazy!’ By the way, if you’re not sure if you are a hipster Christian, look down and see if you are wearing a V-neck T-shirt. If there is definite V, you’re a hipster Christian. Bonus points if you created a V-neck T-shirt out of a standard old boring round T-shirt (many thanks to Stuff Christians Like author Jon Acuff for the tip!). Anyway, for those readers that have just written me off as nuts, I understand. I went through the same roller coaster of emotions as I sat down and the service began.

Unfortunately, cheesy, greedy televangelists and charlatans have done a great job in skewing the way we see “healing” in the church. When I think of healing services, I instantly think of a southern, sweaty pastor wearing an atrocious shiny suit (definitely no V-neck T-shirts in his wardrobe!). He calls the crippled out of of the audience, places his hand on their forehead, shakes them violently and ‘voila!’ they are healed. Of course, don’t forget to send your money in to the address at the bottom of the screen, so you, too, can be healed! I’d wager a bet that you think of the exact same image.

The thing is, I DO believe in a God of miracles. I believe in a God that parted the Red Sea, that rescued His chosen people from Egypt. I believe in a God that allowed young David to slay the giant Goliath. I believe Jesus was born of a virgin, turned water into wine, fed a crowd with a loaf of bread, and walked on water. I believe Jesus died on a cross, with the weight of an entire world’s sin on his shoulders, and was resurrected from the grave. I believe this ultimate miracle happened because God loves us so deeply and justly He needed an epic sacrifice so we could be restored to him. I believe this God created the world, and even time itself. So why is it so difficult for me to believe the same God can heal someone’s bad back, or anxiety, or even cancer?

The sad truth is, I’ve allowed sinful, fallen people shape my perception of who God is and the miracles He works. The scary truth is, I’ve also been the person who has ruined other’s understanding of who God is. How many times have I destroyed someone’s perception of who God is because my actions, thoughts, and deeds aren’t true to the true character of God?

So, during the response time I went up and I prayed for people. I was nervous, I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I also could sense God’s presence. And his presence gives me boldness. So I prayed. I prayed over a hurt back, and a busted knee. And I honestly do not know if God chose to heal those people in that moment or not.

But, I do know this - during the course of that service, I was healed from the damage inflicted by those sweaty, charlatan televangelists. I gained a new understanding and appreciation of the power and mystery of my God, and will be forever changed because of it.

Sounds like a miracle to me.

My Conversion Story

Jim Farmer — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 20:34:25 -0700

It dawned on me the other day that I haven’t really shared my conversion story. In the circles I run in, it’s a pretty common question to ask - everyone has one, but everyone is different. Mine is a pretty standard story - some seeds were planted when I was young, a variety of people and experiences broadened by awareness along the way, and eventually understanding dawned on me and I considered myself a believer. After the conversion, I sought out others with like mind in order to bolster my own understanding, and began to equip myself with the proper conversations in order to convert others to my way of understanding. I share the story of my own conversion here, in the hopes that others may also be inspired to see the light.

As a child, my parents made a point of broadening my horizons and encouraging me to try new things. I was a pretty shy kid, but at some point my parents decided to take me to a weekend activity popular with many families in the area - AYSO soccer. Next thing I knew, I was signed up in the league and practicing a couple times a week for our Saturday morning games. I was hesitant at first, but eventually came to enjoy playing soccer with my friends. After a couple years of playing, I even gained a decent understanding of the game. After a while though, other distractions entered my life and my love affair with soccer - tentative at best - slowly dwindled.

I spent the remaining years of my youth - and the better part of my teenaged years - completely oblivious to soccer. There were sporadic invitations to come join a game. I even took a friend up on the invitation once, and soon regretted saying yes (particularly after running up and down the field for over an hour!). I had some people in my life that practically lived and breathed soccer, but I didn’t really understand why. In fact, I found that it was much easier to simply not bring up the topic anymore.

It wasn’t until I edged past the quarter-century mark that things started to change. With the new wisdom of a 25-year old, I had begun to be more open to new experiences. And it is with that mindset that I said yes to an invitation to watch my first professional soccer match. I’ll be honest, I was a bit nervous going to my first game. The examples I’ve seen of soccer fans on TV made them appear crazy fanatical. I was sure I’d stick out like a soar thumb when everyone else around me jumped around like a maniac.

I tried my best to pay attention to the game - I had a basic understanding from my younger years, but didn’t fully grasp the nuances of the plays. Besides, paying attention to the game was the most polite thing to do - I was already there, may as well try and make the best of it! Overall, the experience proved to be interesting, and the fans entertaining, and soon I found myself returning to another game.

It was this second time around that things changed. I walked in to the stadium more invested in the outcome than I was the first time. I had already watched the home team play, I’d sat next to their fans, and now I was actually rooting for them to win. They seemed like nice guys, and I wanted them to continue their winning streak!

It was at this second game that I became a convert. I started to see the bigger story at play. Soccer isn’t just about low-scoring games and numerous failed goal attempts. Instead, I saw the inherent drama in each individual kick - each shot on the goal - was a chance at redemption for the team, for the game. Every play mattered, every kick filled with suspense, precisely because one kick could make or break the outcome of the game, or the season. Once I understood this dynamic to the game, I understood the passion of the fans. Who WOULDN’T jump and cheer wildly when their team scores what could very well be the game-winning goal - especially when it occurs after numerous near-misses? The feeling is on par with Kendry Morales hitting a game-winning grand slam in the bottom of the ninth (well, minus the season-ending broken leg)!

Now, I consider myself a soccer fan. I’ve been to quite a few professional games. I’ve done the “wake up at the crack of dawn to watch Team USA in the World Cup” twice. I felt a certain swell of pride for the USA when Lando Donavan scored his amazing goal during penalty time. And yes, my chair may have fallen over when I jumped in excitement when that happened (sorry, random stranger at ESPN Zone, if my chair crashed into your legs). I even woke up early again this weekend to catch the Germany v. Argentina match (sorry that was so painful, Argentina). My phone sends me alerts when either Chivas USA or the LA Galaxy score (so, I get, like, one alert every few days.) I’ve found myself defending the game of soccer in multiple conversations with friends. I get annoyed when the media in general makes fun of soccer, or when people blow off the game despite never watching a single match. And I look forward to the day when soccer is embraced en mass, and is a respected part of the American culture.

Perhaps MLS soccer and the Church should form a partnership - they may find they have more in common than they first realize....

New Endings and Old Beginnings

Jim Farmer — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 21:18:10 -0700

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I didn’t mean to take a hiatus from blogging. It sort of just...happened. Kind of like how becoming the foursquare mayor of your local McDonald’s and Chipotle just…happens. You don’t set out to become the mayor but a conflux of proximity, deliciousness, and competitiveness converge and suddenly you find yourself making a point to eat there simply so you can “win”. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, go visit www.foursquare.com. You’ll either instantly get it or instantly hate it. You can probably guess which side of the spectrum I’m on.)

Anyway, my hiatus evolved as I began wrapping up some projects I’ve been involved with over the last couple years - the most important of which was my Master’s Degree.

While I’m excited to have finished that milestone, it is bittersweet in that it is just one of many major seasons of my life that are suddenly wrapping up.

I’ve found myself looking back quite a bit these past few months.Since my last post, I have:

...celebrated my 30th birthday

...wrapped up a multi-year project as a business manager for an indie film

...watched dear friends move half way around the world - to New Zealand!

...said goodbye as another pair of dear friends moved to Colorado (at least it’s not on the other side of the world - I’m talking to you, Keith & Erin!)

...prepared to say goodbye to a third pair of dear friends moving from California to Arkansas

...graduated from school - which also means saying goodbye (or at least “won’t have an excuse to see you as often”) to my school community

...worked through transition at my home church as our teaching pastor prepares to leave

...said goodbye to what I can safely say is my all time favorite television experience (it’s more than a show!) - LOST.

What’s interesting about the timing of these endings is this: each and every experience on that list has really been a part of my post-separation existence. The friends that are moving away formed a large portion of the community that provided the support I needed as I fought for my marriage and healed from the pain of divorce. The film project and school provided much needed distractions during times when life felt all but overwhelming. The pastor at my church preached sermons that helped strengthen my anchor of faith.

LOST provided much needed escapism during times where life on a polar bear infested, time traveling, smoke monster guarded island seemed a much better alternative to chugging through the emotional entanglement of divorce. (Perhaps if my ex-wife and I crash landed on the island we could have worked through our issues like Jin & Sun! Of course, that would also mean *SPOILER ALERT* drowning together in a submarine.)

All of these new endings occurring at once. All at a time when I’m emotionally and spiritually restored. All forming a clear picture of a tapestry of support when I needed it most. They say God works through the work of his disciples. The people in this tapestry are His proof.

But thinking about all these new endings also got me thinking about beginnings. Sure, there’s the excitement of what lies ahead as slates are wiped clean and new opportunities develop. There are many other friendships, many other members of my community that have beginnings dating back longer than I care to admit. When I think back to those relationships, they all had their “new endings” too - graduation, marriage, children - all events that marked the end of one aspect of our relationship. And as time has proven, the beginning of a whole new level of friendship and community.

In Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. - Romans 12:5 (NIV).

It seems to me that when it comes to relationships, even when new endings occur, old beginnings are strengthened again. After all, we are all one body of people - united in His gracious love.

To my friends (and pastors, and TV shows) who are journeying to new adventures, I am grateful for our old beginnings - and look forward to many more new endings together in our future!

Overcoming Family

Jim Farmer — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:05:48 -0800

I love my family. I have two loving, supportive parents who have been married for over 40 years. I have two older siblings, two older sibling-in-laws, a beautiful niece, and four rambunctious nephews (five, when you include my step-nephew). We’re blessed enough to live within 20 minutes of each other - and even though we don’t see each other nearly as much as we should (given our proximity!), our family gatherings are fun, rowdy, stressful, and entertaining. (This is where I should mention that my niece is 9, two of my nephews are 8, and the other two are 5ish. That’s a LOT of kid energy!).

Growing up, our family dynamic was slightly different than most - I’m the youngest kid by nearly 9 years. My experience of growing up was a hybrid of being the “baby” in the family, while also feeling like the only child - since my older siblings were grown up and in college by the time I was entering 4th grade. The glue holding us together though, were my folks. Married young, my parents had a couple decades of marriage under the belt when I came on to the scene. Though they certainly had their ups and downs, they stuck things out (and still do!) and I’ve witnessed their marriage grow and flourish because of it.

I share this because my family background was a near opposite experience of my ex-wife’s. To protect her privacy, I won’t go into the specifics - but I will say that her parent’s marriage was not as successful as mine. You may be wondering why this is even worth bringing up - after all, the country’s divorce rate hovers at the 50% mark, and I am part of that statistic. There are a lot of couples that have to overcome difficult family baggage to be successful. Family dynamics often play a role in present day relationships. Even strong marriages are made of two imperfect people and there are imperfections, hang-ups, and reactions the rest of the family pick up on as a result. Even the Cosby kids had their fair share of relationship issues!

The point is, everyone has their share of family baggage - myself included. But, I can’t help but wonder - when your folks are divorced, is it easier to see divorce as a way out in your own marriage? When your folks have a long marriage, is it easier to see yourself overcoming present-day conflict for the promise of a stronger marriage? When things got difficult in our marriage, my ex-wife and I certainly disagreed in this area. She couldn’t see any way out for us. I was ready to work through our challenges and could envision how much stronger our relationship would be as a result.

But, that’s just my experience. Like it says on my profile page, I’m a relationship non-expert. So, I want to hear from you. I’m not really interested in the statistics - I’m interested in the story. What has your experience been with this? Has the success (or failure) of your parents marriage impacted your marriage?

Effective Friends

Jim Farmer — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:14:34 -0800

Last week, I met up with my close friend Josh for an impromptu dinner at Wingnuts (highly recommend the Blue Cheese Buffalo Burger, by the way). Josh and I have been friends for nearly a decade, and have known each other even longer than that. He stood by my side as I said my marriage vows, and I returned the favor last February when he married his beautiful wife.

In between those two weddings is a story of a derailed friendship, a divorce, a reconciliation, and a redemption. For reasons that only became clear after years of reflection, Josh and I ceased to be friends about a year after I was married. Neither of us could articulate the reasons at the time, and even now that we can, they seem minor and petty. But the reality is by the time my marriage fell apart, Josh was not the one I called for support and counseling. Eventually, we did reconnect and over time rebuilt our friendship, learning to provide the support and encouragement both of us needed.

Our friendship has certainly evolved because of the experience - while our time spent together is less frequent, the quality of our conversation has become richer, more robust, and more intriguing. As Josh has pointed out - we can jump to a “level 5” conversation without batting an eye, and finish up with chatter about the “level 1” things in life (you know, the latest on the Lakers, the proliferation of Tiger Woods news, even the mysteries of “Lost” - actually, that’s more of a “level 4” conversation).

A while back, Josh posted a question on Conversantlife.com about the definition of an effective friendship. We started an online dialogue that really captures the dynamic of our conversations, and the depth of our friendship. After our impromptu dinner last week (with the requisite “level 5” conversation - this time reconciling the reasons why our friendship died for a while), I was inspired to revisit this conversation. The clarity of time has shown me what I’ve known deep down all along - Josh is a rare and awesome friend. A friend that provides “truth, companionship, support, and accountability”. He is an effective friend.

Here’s the dialouge we had:

Josh: Being a friend means different things for different people. For me being a friend is more than just getting along with someone else and having a good time. It means being able to accept faults, point out where growth is needed, encourage and assist with that growth, and being open to have that done in return. I could write a small chapter on what "effective" friendship means to me, but I want to know what others think.

Jim: That IS a good question friend, and it's high time someone takes a stab at answering it. If you are an effective employee, you are doing your work well, right? You are contributing to the company's goals, you are enhancing the value of the company. Therefore, I would say that if you are an effective friend, you are doing much of the same. Not that every friendship needs to have clear cut goals and stock reports, but the general goal of friendship - true friendship - is to provide truth, companionship, support, and accountability. The friendship is enhancing the value of the relationship.

I immediately think of David and Jonathan's friendship - a relationship that sharpened both men, provided great support, truth, and accountability. That does beg a different question though - does the friendship work if only ONE of the friends are "effective"?

Josh: Wow, way to throw it back, Jim!. That is a tough question. I think you can be an effective friend to someone else without them reciprocating, but I don't believe you can develop a healthy effective friendship unless both parties are actively involved. Iron can chip away at wood for a while to lighten the load, but at some point the iron needs to be sharpened in order to work properly.

Effective friendship, to me, comes when both people are committed to each others growth and spiritual maturation. It comes when both people are able to share a range of emotion, both good and bad, without fear of rejection or retaliation from the other.

We are not meant to go through life alone. Every person needs someone to turn to to celebrate achievements, get through challenging situations, and to experience life with. We should all seek out ways to encourage healthy effective friendships in others and in ourselves for others.

Jim: I like the iron chipping away at wood analogy -- I think we've all had friends like that. I would suggest that type of relationship doesn't necessarily require both parties to be sharpened, however, I do agree that wouldn't qualify as an effective friend. Perhaps that type of friendship belongs in a different category?

I like your description of an effective friendship. Perhaps in more ways than we'd all like to admit, it is similar to entering into a marriage in a way. True friendships stand the test of time and often have similar components, yes? (Imagine two old men sitting on a patio at the retirement home, reminiscing together. Wouldn't their dynamic remind you of an old married couple?)

Gives a whole new perspective on the term "man-date". Ha.

(By the way, Josh and his wife, Gigi, keep a pretty entertaining and thoughtful blog themselves. Check it out at http://joshandangelica.blogspot.com).

So, what is your definition of an effective friend? Feel free to chime in below in the comments section. Or, add to our conversation at the Conversantlife.com Q&A forum.

Celebrate The Day

Jim Farmer — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 11:53:26 -0800

One of my responsibilities as a blogger is to start dialogue and conversation on controversial topics. In order to effectively set up these conversations, it is important that I remain truthful, open, and honest. In that spirit, I have a two confessions to make. Here’s the first: I am a choir boy.

When I was in elementary school, my music teacher, Mrs. Neidringhaus (who, coincidentally, just became my Facebook friend last week), suggested I join a local professional boys choir, The All American Boys Chorus. Lured by the promise of international travel and missed school days, I auditioned. I was never really a singer before that moment, but that started a new journey for me as a chorister.

I continued singing after my voice changed at my high school, college, and now, even my workplace. (My one singing regret - telling people that I lettered in choir in high school. Good thing that secret hasn’t gotten out! Oh, wait, people are actually reading this thing? Crap.)

So, here’s my second confession: I start listening to Christmas music on November 1st.

I know what you’re thinking - “Geez, Jim, that’s only the day after Halloween!” or “You’re the reason our malls and stores feel justified putting out Christmas displays in August!”.

I actually blame my early Christmas music habit on being a chorister. Understandably, the holidays are a busy time for most choirs - with a whole catalog of Christmas songs to learn. So, most groups I sang in began practicing Christmas carols in the months of August and September. By the time November rolled around, I was ready to get a jump on the Christmas music scene in full force, since it had already been hiding in the background of my life for two months!

This early exposure to Christmas music comes at a high cost though - Christmas music numbness. I sang many songs proclaiming the birth of Christ and His impact on us in many secular choirs for many years. Before I was a Christian, even. And the familiarity of those songs has watered down the message and impact the words should have on my soul. I’ll listen to “O Holy Night” and admire the pretty tune, but completely ignore how the song beautifully lays out the awe-inspiring worship of our new Savior - and the “chains he shall break”. “Silent Night” is reduced to a simple lullaby - sung in the peacefulness of a winter evening, instead of towards an infant Christ, lying in the manger, in complete admiration.

The thing is, many of us feel the same way, whether we grew up singing in choirs or not. Christmas is so commercialized, so pervasive, it’s easy for the message of Christ’s birth to be lost in any number of ways. It is important to realize our apathy towards Christmas - and work to find ways to counteract that tendency in our spirit.

There are many ways to counteract our Christmas apathy. Focusing on volunteerism, focusing on the amount of quality time spent with friends and family instead of the quantity of gifts, and creating space to pray and reflect. Donating to various non-profits is also a great way to give the spirit of the season. In fact, to read more about how to “Give Christmas Away”, check out fellow ConversantLife blogger, Carrie Ngangang’s post on the topic here.

For me, this issue started with Christmas music, so it’s fitting that I have gravitated to a Christmas song to counteract my own apathy. I stumbled across a modern song, "Celebrate The Day", written and performed by Relient K. Since it’s not a standard carol, the words don’t have to fight through centuries of variation and overuse - allowing the true message to shine through. When this song comes up on my iPod, I’ve made a point to listen to it twice. The first time is to let the truth and beauty of the words truly sink in. The second time is to sing along myself as an act of worship. (To hear the song check them out over at www.imeem.com.)

The true reason for Christmas can be summarized in this lyric, sung towards the end of the song:

And I, I celebrate the day

That You were born to die

So I could one day pray for You to save my life

We're not just celebrating winter, or gifts, or even the birth of a cute baby. No, we're celebrating the beginning of a life that conquers death so we can be reconciled with God, the Father, who created us.

Listening to this song is just one way I can cling to the beauty and meaning of this season. What are some other ideas out there for fighting through the apathy of Christmas?

Listening To The Writer

Jim Farmer — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:17:44 -0800

I haven’t written in a while. In fact, a good friend and regular reader, pointed out that it has been nearly a month since my last post. I must admit, until I received her email, I didn’t realize that much time had slipped by. If I was too busy to post before her email, there was no hope of me posting when her email came through - it arrived in the midst of one of my busiest weeks in a while. I’ve had long hours at work, a one-day weekend and events stretching me past the 10:00 pm mark every night.

As my week progressed, my “to-do” list for the upcoming weekend grew. When your life is always “go, go, go”, even looking forward to knocking out the lesser priorities on a day off or two takes on an appealing aura of relaxation. I fell asleep last night with grand plans of sleeping in (I was exhausted after all!) and then running errands. God, it seems, had other plans for me, and it started with a headache.

This wasn’t the “end of the day and I’m exhausted” kind of headache (I already had one of those earlier this week). This wasn’t even the “I’m so tired and sleeping so hard that I’m waking up with a headache” kind of a headache. This was the “I’m so tired, I’m DREAMING that I have a headache only to wake up early and realize that I actually do have a pounding headache” kind of headache.

In other words, it was a crummy way to wake up this morning.

Eventually, the headache faded. But it’s intensity captured my attention. As I showered, and started my mental check list for the day. First on the list - write a blog post. Second, run errands. I realized then I needed to pull the throttle back. I decided to reshape my day, choosing to spend time in nature with God. The one thing that I deliberately kept on my to do list, however, was to write this post. But, as I sat down at my computer, the true scope of how busy I had been hit me - I had nothing to write about. Usually I write about something that strikes me, or catches my attention, or moves my heart in some way. But I’ve been moving at such a break neck speed, nothing had grabbed my attention other than my own busyness.

When I first started going through my divorce, it wasn’t uncommon for me to grab my Bible, grab my journal, and just escape somewhere. The beach, the park, anyplace where I could step back and clear my head. The chats I’d have with God in those moments kept me sane and focused on the next step I needed to take. It had been far too long since I had done that. After hoping in my car, I drove to a park tucked in our Orange County foothills. There, sitting amongst the rustling trees, I observed. The beauty of a crisp fall down, the vibrant (for Southern California) fall colors around me, the breeze meandering through the air. I read 2 Timothy and Titus, listening for God’s word. Then I journaled the thoughts in my head, directing them to my Creator. I wandered around the park, with Don Miller’s new book, “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” in hand. In general, I just s - l - o - w - e - d down.

Don actually writes in his book about how to shape our own “story”. And just like every story written, our story has a creator. A Writer. Our job is to listen carefully to the Writer. Don, a writer himself, says it best:

You can call it God or conscience, or you can dismiss it as the intuitive knowing we all have as human beings, as living storytellers; but there is a knowing I feel that guides me toward better stories, toward being a better character. I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness.

Don goes on to say that we have to be able to listen to God, our Writer, in order to live out those stories. Otherwise, we’ll steer ourselves towards selfishness, self reliance, or self-destruction. Or, perhaps, some combination of the three. The busyness in my life sends me down a path of self reliance - sure I’m busy doing great things, but if I’m disconnected from God in the process, isn’t it just a waste?

The clarity of Don’s thoughts, combined with the peacefulness of God’s nature, and the time I spent in the Word simply seeking Him, crashed upon my soul. God’s plan for me today was this: to wake up to His story, to deliberately seek it out, and pause enough in my life to listen to His voice. So, from now on, once a month - I will clear my calendar, disconnect from technology, seek out nature, and just sit with the Author of my story.

Besides, pausing often enough to listen to my Writer sure beats dream-induced headaches any day of the week!

The Thick of Pain

Jim Farmer — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:16:46 -0700

In church a few weeks ago, my pastor talked about what happens when a person dies within a Jewish community. The friends and family of those left behind travel to the grieving’s house and simply sit with them. They don’t make pat comments, they don’t swoop in and try to fix everything, and they don’t come in armed with an array of distractions. They respect their grief and just sit in silence.

Earlier today, I was watching the movie “Sunshine Cleaning” - a story about two sisters that form a bio-hazard clean up business, cleaning up the messes often left behind when people die. In one poignant scene, they arrive at a house and find the frazzled widow waiting to give them the house keys. Amy Adams’ character senses the grief of this old stranger and offers to simply sit with her. She reaches over and clasps the old woman’s hand - just as I imagine occurs in those grieving Jewish homes.

Both stories reminded me of my own journey through pain. The night my wife said she wanted to leave, I needed space to think and process. For reasons at the time I was not sure of, I called a friend of mine I hadn’t spoken too in months, and had never really had deep conversation with before. But, I knew he was a believer and I knew I needed a friend that could pray for me. We went out for coffee (the elixir of any grieving situation, I’m sure) and for hours simply sat. At times, I needed to babble - to voice my frustration, voice my anger, voice my confusion, voice my fears. Other times, I needed to just weep. If I wanted to converse, I could. If I wanted silence, there was silence. Through it all, he just sat with me. And his presence truly showed me His presence.

It is difficult for us to slow down in today's culture. Nowhere is this most needed than in those moments where life causes us to grieve. Grieving is an inevitable part of life - whether it's a death, terminal illness, or divorce. In the process of grieving, God simply wants to sit and grieve with us.

And He may look uncannily like your best friend.