Christy Tennant

Please, Let Me Change.

Christy Tennant — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:14:25 -0800

Something occurred to me a while ago, after a family visit. I'm not sure what holiday it was, nor do I recall exactly which family members were present. I just remember that I said something someone did not like, and the next comment I heard was, "you always do that, Christy."

The thing about that, which stopped me cold in my tracks, was that I knew that I did not always do that. In fact, I knew that I used to always do that, but I had not done that in a really long time. The relative, who has known me since before I was born, could only see me the way I was years ago. He and I only see each other a few times a year, if that, so his best understanding of who I am as a person is defined by who I was the last time we saw one another on a daily basis.

He does not know that I have spent hours and hours in prayer, addressing and dealing with aspects of my personality that need to evolve in the light of Christ's transforming presence in my life. My sharp tongue has been trained a bit. My propensity to criticize has been honed, so that I genuinely seek to be constructive most of the time. I'm not 13 anymore. I'm nearly 35. I've changed! I want to scream sometimes.

Over the years, I have worked hard - and prayed hard - to change certain things about myself, but sometimes it doesn't matter how much a person has changed. Her friends and family will only see her as the person they once knew. The person they still think they know.

A few weeks ago, I had a brief conflict with a ministry partner, and when we talked it through soon afterwards, it dawned on me that he was relating to me based on the way I had been back when we had first worked together - with all my failures and relational flaws. Something really minor evoked a major response from him, which exposed to both of us that there were some deep relational ravines that needed to be visited.

I said to him, "I know that in the past I have been very critical, and I have not been easy to approach in times of conflict. But I have grown a lot over the past several years, and I'm not like that anymore. By the same token, I know that you have worked hard to overcome your weaknesses, and I want to give you the benefit of letting you change. Can you let me change?"

It was an "aha!" moment for both of us. He agreed that our past strife (yes, co-laborers in ministry sometimes deal with oil-and-water, type-a-meets-type-b, Mary-and-Martha relationship dynamics) was still coloring our present relationship. We had both been walking on egg shells around each other for a very long time. So we talked and agreed that we were going to start being more conscious of not judging one another based on the past, but rather giving one another the benefit of the doubt.

Love believes all things. Love hopes all things. Love endures all things.

It's hard, though. I still expect my mother and father to relate to me as they did when I was growing up. Same with my brothers. Yet we have all grown a lot over the years. So why don't we let one another change?

It's harder than we think it's going to be. I have a friend who became a Christian when she was in her 30's. Before that, she was in an abusive home with an alcoholic father and brother, and an enabling mother. Her name is Patricia, but she always went by "Patty." Patty turned to men in her adolescence, seeking love and affirmation from one guy after another. She was a self-described slut, and people who knew her back then knew her to be loose and wild, a partyer always up for a good time.

But after she became a Christian, she changed a lot. She stopped drinking, smoking, swearing and sleeping around. She got involved with a good church and, as an outward sign of the transformation she had gone through, she started going by "Patricia." Patty was gone.

Yet whenever she was with her parents and brother, they would not let her forget that she was still the same old "Patty." They refused to call her Patricia, and they would remind her every chance they got that she would never be anyone other than Patty. Loose, wild, sexy Patty.

They would not let her change.

I am careful to never call my friend "Patty." I believe that the woman she is today is a new creation. I believe that the old is gone and the new has come. I did not know her before she was a Christian, so it's not hard for me to accept her as she is now. In fact, it's harder for me to imagine her as a slut!

But I wonder who in my life needs me to let them change? Are there people whom I still judge based on who they were years ago, instead of giving them the benefit of letting them change?

I was with a group of close girlfriends not too long ago, and at one point someone made a comment about that was meant to be a joke. It was said with affection. But it was something about how I always have something to say - as in, how I am unusually outspoken, and there was a hint of "to a fault" underlying her tone.

I reacted strongly inside, though I did not show it outwardly. I've grown a lot in that area, I thought to myself, defensively. I do not always have something to say! I can hold my tongue! I can be demure! I can be a good girl!! To that friend, I will always be quick-tempered Christy, slow to listen, fast to speak. I don't want to be her. I'm working hard not to be her. I have grown so much. But it occurs to me that, unless she - and others - are intentional about giving me the grace of letting me change, it won't matter how much I grow. To them, I will still be her.

Part of loving with Christ's love, I think, is the willingness to put the past behind us and walk forward. Willingness to not hold who people once were against them, but rather to let them change. It's more important than I ever realized. It requires genuine forgiveness, humility and love. But it's exactly how Christ loves us.

Can you imagine if God still treated us as though we were enemies of the cross? While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Can you imagine what hell it would be if Christ still treated us as sinners?

Instead, he treats us as sons and daughters. He chooses to forget the past on our behalf, and treat us as the best, redeemed, future glory versions of ourselves.

How about we try doing that too?

What Might Jesus Say?

Christy Tennant — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 10:51:55 -0800

This is just becoming all too familiar. The first reports, the death toll climbing every half-hour or so, the news of those who survived, grieving for those who did not. I first learned about the earthquake today in Chile from Twitter - from Alyssa Milano on Twitter, in fact, retweeting photo images from the New York Times. I jumped on Facebook and learned that several friends of mine have relatives in Chile; thankfully, all reports are good news so far.

As I continued combing through news reports, I discovered that there was also an earthquake in Japan this morning. Then I heard further news - the warning of an impending tsunami. I have just been looking at the images on the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center web site, and I see nations and cities along the Pacific coast that are now at risk: Japan, Hawaii, New Zealand, Tonga and many other place.

I had not yet had my morning devotions when I learned about the earthquakes this morning, so I sat down, as I usually do in the mornings, to read scripture and get my heart tuned to God.

I read some Psalms, then I turned to Matthew 24. Sometimes when I read scripture, there are things that cause the words to feel a little bit distant - talk of Pharisee and religious leaders in a culture different from my own, analogies using fig trees and mustard seeds, which I have had to learn the relevance of.

But this passage - Matthew 24 - feels like it could be a current news report. It's like Jesus Tweeted it a few hours ago to encourage us.

Jesus left the temple and was going away, when his disciples came to point out to him the buildings of the temple. But he answered them, "You see all these, do you not? Truly, I say to you, there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down."
As he sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately, saying, "Tell us, when will these things be, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the close of the age?" And Jesus answered them, "See that no one leads you astray. For many will come in my name, saying, 'I am the Christ,' and they will lead many astray. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet. ⁷Fornation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are but the beginning of the birth pains.
"Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name’s sake. And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

- Matthew 24:1-14

As I read this passage, a few things jumped out at me - specific, practical instructions for Jesus's followers to take to heart in the face of yet another natural disaster whose full devastation has not yet come:

See that no one leads you astray. There are many ideas about God that start flying when things like this happen. Some religious leaders in many faiths, including Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, and Muslims, will look for "sinners" or people with bad karma to blame, believing that natural disasters are evidence of God's judgment or karma.

But the Bible teaches us that Jesus bore the full penalty for sin when he died on the cross. So we must not be led astray into assigning blame to any nation or people who are suffering from this disaster.

In fact, when some of his followers asked him about an accident that took place during his day - when the tower at Siloam fell and many were killed - Jesus was careful to point out that it was not because those who died were worse sinners than those who were spared. "Those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish." (Luke 13:3-5, ESV) The way I read this, it seems that Jesus is very specific: do not try to place blame for this disaster on sinners. Instead, worry about your sin condition. Repent of your sins and concern yourself chiefly with whether you are right with God or not.

That is what this morning has become for me. A time to take spiritual inventory and ask myself this question: if an earthquake hit New York City today, and my house collapsed with me in it, am I ready to meet Jesus face to face?" Suddenly I realized that I have been living with practical apathy toward God. Not hungry for rightousness. Not grieving for those who are in need. Not praying for those who are perishing. This news from Chile and Matthew have served together as a wake up call. Christy, make sure you're ready.

See that you are not alarmed. The last thing the world needs is religious fanatics losing their minds and freaking out about end times prophecy. Instead, let this be a call to prayer and intercession, to sacrificial giving to supply resources for those in need, and to faithful, loving, life-giving evangelism.

This is just the beginning. Things are, it would seem, going to get worse before they get much, much better. Jesus said that things like earthquakes and wars are signs. Those of us who read and believe the Bible understand that the world is going to be renewed when Jesus returns, but a lot has to happen first. We do not need to fear, but we do need to be ready.

The one who endures to the end will be saved. When I was in Nigeria with a small team of people from New Hope, my pastor, David Beidel, preached in every city we visited a message from this passage in Matthew. Bad things will happen, he said over and over. Because of the increase in wickedness, the love of many/most will grow cold, he said. But the love for Christ in his church in Lagos... Ife... Ibadan... Staten Island... New York City... will not grow cold. We will fan the flame of worship.

We need to tend a holy fire. Whenever we gather together for worship, whenever we read God's word, whenever we take time to pray and seek God's face, listen for his voice, we fan the flame. In the privacy of our homes - when we give ourselves over to scripture meditation during the first moments of the day, when we turn off something we should not be watching for the sake of guarding our eyes (the lamp of the body), when we phone someone to encourage her, when we make amends and ask forgiveness, when we set our hearts and minds on things above... we are fanning the flame.

The Gospel will be preached in all nations. I want to be part of that work. God loves people from every tribe and every tongue, Jesus died to pay the ransom for every image-bearer, from Iceland to Papua New Guinea, from Tokyo to Toronto and everywhere in between. God's good news of salvation through Christ is not something to be jammed down peoples throats, but neither is it something to be hidden away in the privacy of our home groups and church services.

I support a Bible translation missionary, because I want to see God's word made known to more nations. I donate to several missions organizations, in fact, because I want to be part of spreading the life-giving love of Christ in places like Afghanistan and Ethiopia. I spend most Sunday afternoons with a group of friends eating in Little Sri Lanka and having edifying conversations with Hindus and Buddhists there, because I love them and I respect them and I want to learn from them, even as I hope to point them to Jesus, encouraging them to at least consider the things Jesus taught about God and how to know God.

How I long to see more Christians being part of God's mandate to make disciples in all nations.

As I continue to follow the news today, I continue to pray for the hundreds of thousands - possibly millions - who have been hit by natural disaster, or are currently waiting to see what comes their way. I also find myself giving thanks to God for another day of peace. While I do not live in fear, I am sobered by the thought that tomorrow, this could be us. This could be my house, my city.

Are we ready? More importantly, for me to ask, is, AM I?

In the watches of the night

Christy Tennant — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:51:25 -0800

Good morning.

Forgive me for the fog I'm in as I sit at my desk, looking out the window it faces, where snow is falling in huge flakes. Just last night I remarked to my dog, "Isn't it nice that you have access to the grass again?" and now, in a few hours or so, he will once again be forced to do his business in the areas that get shoveled.

"Why the fog," you ask? I did not sleep last night. I was wide awake, tossing and turning, staring at the clock, praying for sleep, counting backwards, doing breathing exercises, willing myself to sleep, to no avail. I even got up and took a TylenolPM around 3AM. Sometime around 5:30 or so I must have dozed off, because I was in a light, foggy sleep when my alarm went off at 7. Now, having read some scripture and had some coffee, I am feeling better, but foggy. In a few moments, I will have a quick shower, get dressed and head in to work in Manhattan.

It is a rare event when I have such trouble sleeping. Usually, I am out soon after my head hits the pillow. So last night, at some point as I was lying there talking to my cat and dog (who were more than a little miffed at me for making so much noise - they were not having any trouble sleeping whatsoever), it occurred to me that there could be a purpose in my wakefulness.

Prayer.

I began to go through a list of people and situations in my head, lifting each one of them to the throne of grace. "On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night." (Ps 63:6) There is something sweet and holy about communing with the God "through the watches of the night." I thought of one friend in particular, another single woman in her 30's like me, who has lost both of her parents to cancer. I felt the weight of lonliness I imagine she feels sometimes - perhaps especially on nights when she cannot sleep - and prayed for her.

This morning, in my fog, I opened to the Psalms, and this was one of the first things I read: "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..." (Ps 68:5-6)

He is faithful. He is provider. He is father. He is faithful.

I need his provision today; I trust it will come, and that it is already here. This city is not merciful to those who are weak, and I am weak today. I am sick and sleepy, and it is snowing and the sidewalks will be slick. I will stand at the bus stop, get on a crowded bus, walk to the ferry... to the subway... to my office in midtown. In my weakness today, he will be my strength.

But for a moment now, everything else aside, I will marvel at how much snow is falling, and how much ground has been covered just since I started typing this little missive.

"For to the snow he says, 'Fall on the earth,'likewise to the downpour, his mighty downpour." Job 37:6

"Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,or have you seen the storehouses of the hail...?" Job 38:22

"Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7

Even the snow exists chiefly to point me to God this morning. The heavens declare the glory of God. Loud and clear.

May all of us experience his strength and beauty, whether making our way through the snowy streets of New York City, or experiencing his majesty in some other way today.

Speaking in Central Virgina - C'mon and Join Me!

Christy Tennant — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:48:01 -0800

I'm really looking forward to joining the ladies at Big Island Baptist Church in central Virginia March 19-20! If you're close by, join us! Click here to register.

Jeremy Cowart Reflects on Haiti (Latest IAM Conversations)

Christy Tennant — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:51:58 -0800

Required Reading for Missions

Christy Tennant — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:29:12 -0800

In the past decade, two books have been profoundly important to me when it comes to world evangelism: Let the Nations Be Glad!, by John Piper, and Cities: Missions New Frontier, by Roger S. Greenway and Timothy N. Monsma. The former provides a robust theology for why we do missions*, while the latter addresses the changing focus of missions from the middle of nowhere in the bush or outback to the world's cultural centers.

I now have a third book for my list of required missions reading: The Meeting of the Waters: 7 Global Currents That Will Propel the Future Church, by Fritz Kling, releasing March 1 (click here to pre-order your copy at a discounted price.)

When it comes to how the work of foreign missions is executed, the twenty-first century has brought with it an entirely new set of trends that missionaries-in-training would do well to heed. Kling, a world traveler many times over in his role as president of a philanthropic management firm, has spent years on the ground in "the field," interacting with leaders throughout global Christendom, asking questions and analyzing his findings into seven "global currents" presently at work in the river of world missions.

From my much more modest experience doing missionary work in Asia, Central America, Africa and North America, I found myself uttering enthusiastic "amen's" throughout my reading of The Meeting of the Waters. How I wish I had the perspective this book offers when I first delved into the world of foreign missions over a decade ago. Kling is careful to honor the old wineskins, which for centuries have broken ground and reaped fruitful returns in many unreached areas. However, he is unapologetic and unflinching in his honesty when he articulates the changing tide of world evangelism and the challenges those changes pose for Christians going forward. While I could never quite get comfortable with the title he gave old-school missionaries - "Mission Marm" - neither could I deny the accuracy of his conclusions that we - those of us committed to doing the work of world evangelism - must change our perspective.

I hope every missionary, pastor, and student of the Christian faith will read this book; its message is profoundly important, both philosophically and pragmatically. I also hope those who are non-vocational Christians will also read it, as the implication of these seven global currents is every bit as important for those not called to be in full time ministry as for those who are. In fact, one of the conclusions this book makes is that the work of world evangelism will be accomplished not by a few individuals with a vocational call to missions, but rather by the students, businessmen, artists, filmmakers, educators and political leaders who shape world culture.

Order your copy of The Meeting of the Waters now, and add this excellent book to your missions library. Besides the Bible, I cannot think of a more relevant, practical resource for those who plan to work on behalf of world evangelism in the twenty-first century.

("Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church; worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn't." This is the opening line of John Piper's missiology book, Let the Nations Be Glad!)

A Suggestion - If I May

Christy Tennant — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:03:15 -0800

In December, I worked on publishing a book of poetry written by L.L. Barkat, whose memoir, Stone Crossings: Finding Grace in Hard and Hidden Places, came out in 2008. Ms. Barkat and I met early last year, when I sang at her church in NY, and at that time she gave me a copy of her book. When we next connected, she was becoming a more intentional patron of the arts, encouraging others to get involved with International Arts Movement (a movement I am part of) and make the arts a bigger part of their lives. When she came to IAM with a collection of poetry, we were delighted to publish it as the first of (hopefully) many books that embody IAM's commitment to filling the world with cultural artifacts that are good, true and beautiful.

Tomorrow night, L.L. Barkat will appear at IAM's Space 38|39 in Manhattan to do a reading from her book, InsideOut. Also appearing is musician Brooke Campbell, who has also been featured on Ferry Dust - I'm a big fan of her music.

If you like poetry, or if you have thought of getting more into poetry, might I suggest that you pick up a copy of InsideOut, poems by L.L. Barkat? Ms. Barkat's poems are accessible and artistic, simple yet profound. I dare you to look at your life as mundane after reading InsideOut. You won't be able to. Ms. Barkat has a gift for turning even the most insignificant tasks of our daily lives into divine encounters. As G.K. Chesterton once said, "An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered."

And if you happen to be home tomorrow night - snowed in or just in the mood to hang out at home - you can join us virtually for the reading and music performance via IAM Live. The performance will be live streamed at our web site, beginning at 7 pm.

Look for me on your computer screen! I'll be wearing bright pink.

Revisiting the One Size Fits All Education System

Christy Tennant — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I bought a sweater once that was "one-size-fits-all," but I quickly discovered that "one-size-fits-all" is a bold-faced lie. When it comes to clothing, one size most definitely does not fit all. I am a size four, and the sweater practically swallowed me whole. It was supposed to be one of those items that stretched and retracted to accommodate its wearer, but instead it was bunchy and bulky and unflattering. It quickly moved to the back of my closet, only to be donated to Goodwill for some other gullible shopper to get suckered into buying.

One-size-fits-all is a lie when it comes to clothing. And, I am coming to learn, it is a lie in pretty much everything else. When the IAM staff first got our iPhones, mine felt clunky and large in my smallish hands, while my coworkers who are men with much larger hands did not find it awkward at all. When I go somewhere, I slide easily into my Nissan Sentra, but when I recently gave my friend Allen a ride, his height and girth made my small car a bit of a challenge. For him, a truck or larger sedan would fit much better. The more I think about it, one size does not really "fit" all. Rather, "all" adjust or accommodate or simply get used to using something that doesn't fit all that well. The more I think about it, life depends on "all" adjusting to the "one-size." I suppose, in some backward way, that is how manufacturers can get away with saying that "one size fits all."

I subscribe to Books and Culture, the bi-monthly book review publication, but because of the profusion of reading material that fills my days (not to mention my desk, bedside table, coffee table, and dining table), each issue usually gets shuffled around from living room to bathroom to briefcase to Staten Island Ferry, and back again before I finally get to read it. That's why it took me until January 13 to read Rebecca Ward Lindsay's very helpful review in the November/December issue.

In "School Daze," Lindsay touches on three books that address the broken educational system in America. She rightly points out that, "No country can boast as many spectacular universities as the United States. And yet, our primary and secondary schools lag behind dozens of other nations." The three authors mentioned in this piece have differing opinions on the cause of our educational woes, and they each offer contrasting solutions to the troubles facing children in the public school systems as they are presently operating. Yet all seem to be unified on one thing: the system is in need of repair.

At International Arts Movement, we are not only interested in addressing issues facing artists and creative catalysts. Our interest as a movement is in the broken systems in all spheres of culture. And one system that is undeniably broken is our education system, from the current proliferation of standardized testing that has alienated and marginalized not only many students, but also teachers, to an imbalanced emphasis on critical thinking and problem-solving divorced from the creative arts. As the daughter of a retired public school music teacher, I witnessed the evolution that seemed to begin in the late '90's and early '00's, when Standards of Learning (SOL's) became the obsession of the public school system. Teachers, who had cultivated their programs through spending years in the classroom, had to suddenly become like drill sergeants, hammering information potentially covered by SOL test questions into their students so that they could keep their jobs and their students could be promoted to the next level.

As I was reflecting on this today, I called my mom, who is now retired from teaching but serves as a substitute teacher in the system in which she taught for years. In fact, she happened to be subbing today, and she called me back during her short lunch break. After we discussed her experiences as a public school teacher, she said, "There are cycles in education," she said. "What they're doing now is not what they will be doing later. We (teachers) just have to wait and adapt to those changes."

I remembered hearing about changes that my mom's programs experienced as the pressure mounted to pass SOL tests each spring. Mom used to produce school musicals that gave all of the children in a given grade level a chance to learn about performing, stage craft, dance, story-telling and other cultures. Occasionally, during the weeks of rehearsal, she would pull soloists or groups of dancers out of class for additional rehearsals. The teachers were very supportive and accommodating of this. However, as SOL pressure grew, the teachers no longer allowed students out of class for those short rehearsals. Instead, Mom was expected to mount school musicals with only two 30-minute rehearsals during her classes each week.

As a result, Mom had to "dumb down" her programs. Whereas in the past, she would invite a professional Spanish dancer to come in and teach one group of gifted movers some more challenging choreography, she could no longer do that with the limited time she had. She had to use simpler music, simpler movement and simplified dialogue. However, Mom pointed out optimistically that "a creative person can find ways to both accommodate the SOL requirements and keep it engaging for the kids." In fact, she adapted a musical for her school that incorporated lessons in Virginia history, which were part of the SOL prep, and the musical was so popular with the kids and effective as a teaching tool that other schools in her system requested the materials for their schools too, proving that, once again, necessity is a wonderful creative catalyst. She also used "Schoolhouse Rock" material liberally throughout the year, which "the kids loved."

In his excellent TED lecture, delivered in February 2006, creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson bluntly proposes that education, as we currently approach it, kills creativity. Challenging the way we're educating our children, Sir Ken champions "a radical rethink of our school systems, to cultivate creativity and acknowledge multiple types of intelligence."

The "one-size-fits-all" educational system that presently marks our nation simply doesn't work for everyone. But, as with every other broken system, most people adjust. (I almost said "simply adjust," but the adjustment is far from simple. Rather, the adjustment often requires a team of paraprofessionals, administrators, counselors, advocates and teachers working together to help certain students fit in to the one-size-fits-all system in whose margins they spend a third of their days.)

One of the questions that will be addressed at IAM's upcoming Encounter 10 will deal with this issue of how the one-size-fits-all education system is broken. We want to push people to wrestle deeply with the questions surrounding this issue and to cultivate creative, alternative approaches to a system that leaves so many floundering on the sidelines. While the actual question is still evolving a bit, we plan to ask something to the effect of, "Are we teaching art - and everything else - all wrong?"

Meanwhile, we would love to hear your thoughts. Do you agree with Sir Ken Robinson's assessment:

What these things have in common is that kids will take a chance. If they don't know, they'll have a go. Am I right? They're not frightened of being wrong. Now, I don't mean to say that being wrong is the same thing as being creative. What we do know is, if you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original. If you're not prepared to be wrong. And by the time they get to be adults, most kids have lost that capacity. They have become frightened of being wrong. And we run our companies like this, by the way. We stigmatize mistakes. And we're now running national education systems where mistakes are the worst thing you can make. And the result is that we are educating people out of their creative capacities. Picasso once said this. He said that all children are born artists. The problem is to remain an artist as we grow up. I believe this passionately, that we don't grow into creativity, we grow out of it. Or rather, we get educated out if it. So why is this?

Are you an educator or parent who would like to connect with others who are displeased with the one-size-fits-all system currently being proliferated by our schools? Do you want to participate in this discussion?

Please send me your thoughts at christy (at) internationalartsmovement.org, and please consider joining us for Encounter 10, March 4-6 in lower Manhattan. Details can be found at www.IAMencounter.com.

When You're Left With a Mouthful of Sand

Christy Tennant — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:00:14 -0800

Last week, from Sunday to Sunday, was my church's annual week of prayer and fasting. Like he does every year, our pastor called the entire church to fast. What type of fast we did was entirely up to us. He just asked that we have 100% participation.

A few people I know of did juice fasts, but most of us did a modified Daniel fast of sorts. Some (myself among them) did a "media fast." For me, this meant that I did not watch any television or movies all week.

Now, I do not consider myself a tv junkie. In fact, for years I did not watch television at all. But lately, I have grown very fond of Hulu. The truth is, I don't get any TV stations in my apartment; I do not have cable or a TiVo or DVR or anything of that technological ilk. But with Hulu, I can watch a variety of television programming any time, for free. So nowadays, especially after a long day of work, I come home, fix something to eat, and watch something on Hulu to "check out" for a bit.

Last week, however, I came home, cooked, did some home projects, and spent my evenings reading and praying. And you know what? It was a beautiful week. I felt a closenss to God I had not felt in a long time. I was sleeping 8-9 hours a night, and my days were very peaceful and productive.

The fast ended on Sunday, and yesterday, Monday, I came home from work and, as per usual, sat down, exhausted, to veg out. For a couple of hours, I putzed around my apartment, not really doing anything important, while reruns of Hill Street Blues played on Hulu, one right after the other (I'm not kidding - Hill Street Blues. I was not allowed to watch it when I was little, so now I'm getting caught up. I'm also getting a big kick out of how tame it is compared to TV shows today. And to think, there was a time when the subject matter of Hill Street Blues was controversial!) I drank a cherry ale, then another, and then around midnight went to bed. I ate homemade bread, lime flavored Tostitos, and ale for dinner. I know - real healthy.

This morning, I woke up and one of the first things that came to mind was what a waste last night was. And as I contemplated what makes me want to come home and "check out," especially after a hard day, I remembered this passage from Jeremiah:

Be appalled at this, O heavens, and shudder with great horror," declares the LORD. "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." (Jeremiah 2:12-13)

Conviction landed on my heart like a crow in Tokyo, and it has been sitting there all day, waiting for me to come home from yet another full and exhausting day to face the fact that this passage is talking about me. I realized that, sometimes, I come and plop in front of my computer to watch stupid TV shows because I am tired and worn out and I want to be entertained, when what I really need and what I am actually craving is something that only time with the Holy Spirit can actual satisfy. I know that when I sit and read scripture or a good book and pray my soul is refreshed. Yet something in me feels like that will be too much work, and I dont' want to have to think. I want to turn off my brain and just chill out.

Yet what I find is, at the end of such an evening, I am not refreshed or rested. In fact, I am also feeling more agitated, because I know in my core that I have wasted a few good hours of my life.

Now, let me clarify: I do not think this is always the case with watching television. I have no problem with entertainment. In fact, my work is largely about helping good art and entertainment to be made. And when you live alone, sometimes it's just helpful to have the background noise of some show that doesn't require a lot of you.

But the issue I'm referring to here is motivation: when I am tired and weary, do I go to Jesus for refreshment, or do I go to Sam Adams and Hulu? When my heart and soul are whispering to me, What you really want is to sit at Jesus' feet for a bit, chew on some scripture and listen for a while, do I tune it out and tune in, rather, to cheap and irelevant entertainment?

It is also a question of self-control. Hulu has a function that enables you to continuously stream one show right after another, and since the shows are created to leave you with a cliffhanger each time, you find yourself thinking, "well, one more episode... I want to find out what happens to so-and-so in this episode." Next thing you know, three or four episodes later, you're exhausted, your sink is full of dishes, and you head to bed, still agitated by the incident in the subway or the disagreement at the staff meeting.

I begin each morning with scripture and prayer, and I close off each night with more prayer and reading. I think of God and godly things throughout my day, and I often find myself in ministry situations that I had not planned or expected. I work hard, and by most peoples' assessment, in both public and private, I live a godly life. I don't have hidden junk in my life that I'm afraid people will discover. What you see with me is really what you get (after all, I'm pretty open about my weaknesses and struggles...)

But one of my goals this year is that I would live each moment with intention and care. When I watch TV, which I will do, I want it to be something that is done with self-control and intention, and not something I do every single night to check out after a hard day.

Because sometimes, the difference between the spring of living water and a broken cistern that can hold no water is hard to spot. Sometimes what feels like it would be relaxing and refreshing is actually only sapping more life out me, and the thing that seems like it would require a lot of me (reading scripture, praying) is actually something where the Holy Spirit does pretty much all the work, and I just allow myself to be carried along in his river of grace.

So tonight I am saying no to the broken cistern, as tempting as it is to just check out/turn off/veg. I'm going to sit on the couch with my dog and cat and read for a bit, rather than watch more TV. Perhaps I'll go to bed a bit earlier than usual - I could really use some sleep.

After all, I don't want to wake up again tomorrow with a mouthful of sand.

New song for 2010

Christy Tennant — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:41:24 -0800