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I think this is normal for any artist, to seek not only approval but also acceptance. We ask ourselves the deep questions of being. Does what I do have merit? Am I touching people with my song, my book, my poem, my painting? Is there some significance to my work, beyond my own skewed self-perceptions? Is there some significance to me? These are all valid and deeply felt questions that strike at the very heart of who we are and what we do as artists. A friend of mine recently wrote to me about a songwriting collaboration experience she had: "It is always cool to have someone else love your music and add their talents to it. I felt like a writer last night even though I write constantly. It was great to hear others say, 'that is fantastic!'" I have talked often about how art is a dialogue. On one level, there is an interchange between the artist through the art to the audience. And this interchange, though it may take many forms in different media, is dialogical. For performance artists like musicians or dancers, the audience is in front of you, and the interchange is immediate. For others, such as filmmakers or writers or painters, the interchange is not often as immediate though it is just as important. The dialogue also extends vertically, as God speaks to the artist and the audience through the art, and we as artists can put a smile on God’s face through our artistic expressions as well. Imagine That has been out a few months now, and the reviews have been overwhelmingly positive. There have been a number of very positive reviews from websites, worship forums, blogs, web radio, and even magazines like Worship Leader and Christian Musician. There have also been a good number of positive comments from readers, who have left their thoughts on my website, bookseller sites, and even in e-mails directed to me. Both of these have been simultaneously uplifting and humbling. Uplifting in that it feels good to receive the validation of artists, peers, and critics. Humbling in that there are a great number of people out there who are trying to figure out—in deeply personal and specific ways—how to make sense of God’s enigmatic calling for them as artists. Some of these people have been deeply hurt by the church. Some have even thought about giving up on the church. It is humbling that I’ve been a catalyst for some things that God is doing in the hearts of artists I don’t even know. What I am grappling with now is how I am affected by the response of peers and critics. And interestingly, I find that Christian musicians, authors, and other artists pretty much never talk about the elephant in the room: Their pride. For me personally, the challenge is receiving the approval of the readers and the acceptance of the critics, without letting myself believe I’m all that and a bag of chips. Because mixed into all the very positive book reviews and affirmations is this dark and ugly feeding of my own ego. As artists, we have a predisposition to do this in positive and negative ways. But as artists who follow Christ, we are called to something better, deeper, higher. So we must all pay very close attention to such things, and expose them to the Light. This is the thing I am learning and re-learning now. So far, I don’t think it has gone to my head. For one thing, I continue to try to be aware of my stuff, and hold myself accountable to others. And of course, I guess I’d have to actually make a profit before I can get too prideful. Most importantly, I continue to remind myself that ultimately true validation comes only from God and God alone. As Christian artists, we must never forget that. |
Comments
This is a very important post, Manuel. As an artist (who is both a no-apologies Christian and, sadly, a chronic approval seeker), I have experienced what you write about. I have had many conversations with other public artists about the tension between offering up your very best work while not feeling the permission to feel proud of it. When someone asks me why I wrote my novel (or why I continue to write), the correct answer should be "because I'm offering my best to Jesus Christ." But is that really why I wrote it? In part, yes, because I hope that everything I do flows out of my relationship with God--but also I feel a great deal of warmth when others find meaning and talent and power behind my words. Artists, unlike businesses, aren't usually motivated purely by profit, I've discovered, but they are motivated by the hope of an audience that reaches beyond the kindness of friends.
So while I really want my validation to come from God alone, I wonder if our egos can ever be totally reshaped? Or, to put it another way: Is some ego necessary to even produce public art in the first place? It's an important question.
Caroline, thanks so much for your honest and revealing response. I don't know if there are any easy answers to this question. But I think the starting point is to expose and honestly grapple with the tension.
Manuel,
I have discovered that the best antidote for ego inflation and the ravages of pride is simple for an artist — anonymity. Alongside our public performances and product, it is necessary to reserve a portion of our time and talent to serve others with love with no "by line", no recognition, and an audience of One. It is even better if we can do things that are not necessarily part of our "gifting" (our talents, skills, abilities) but something "anyone could do" or something we don't think of ourselves as "good at."
When we learn to recognize what pure service feels like, it's easier to know when our ego is meddling in our art.
~Anonymous ;)
Good answer. Anonymous service is a great spiritual discipline for the artist.
I find it interesting that in order to develop a gift...no matter what kind, the starting point seems to be whether or not others recognize that gift in you. Like music auditions for example...sometimes you need someone to let you know that it's not your gift or talent or you need someone to validate the fact that you are talented in that area or at least have the potential. This starting point seems to propel the artist forward in one direction or another. The irony is that many people with talent were told they had none in the area they became well known for later. Elvis Presley for example.
Public opinion changes like the wind and cannot set the foundation for one's talent, but community and accountability seem to be essential for the formation of the artist's journey.
Someone said "If you are not in deep enough to want to quit and throw it all away, you are not in that deep." I think every artist who has put their heart and soul into their work has been to the place where they want to throw in the towel so to speak and it is the encouragement of others that helps to jump that hurdle. But if the applause and favor of the crowd is the reason we continue it will evaporate quickly. Our calling before God has to be the reason and the resource.
Yes, accountability and community help keep our heads deflated and our hearts inflated!
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Manuel:
I just read this post with interest. I am not an artist, however, I believe that any Christian who is committed to using his talents or skills to the glory of God wrestles with the very issue of self-pride. A scripture that helps put all into perspective is : Rom 12:1-2 (Phi) With eyes wide open to the mercies of God, I beg you, my brothers, as an act of intelligent worship, to give him your bodies, as a living sacrifice, consecrated to him and acceptable by him. Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, but let God remake you so that your whole attitude of mind is changed.
You are to be commended for recognizing the tendency of human pride to receive all the glory. I sense you have your priorities straight and are striving to prevent that from happening.
Personally, I don't believe that it is wrong to be prideful in what we create, for God has given us each unique gifts; it's knowing how to balance glorifying God and receiving the accolades that result from having given Him our very best. One way to keep your pride in check is through accountability partners that will let you know when you are allowing self-pride to take control.
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