I suspect that parents of rebellious children feel guilt for a variety of reasons. It's only natural for a parent to wonder where he or she went "wrong." We all do that (because all kids rebel at one time or another), and it's only natural to do some soul-searching.

Another reason for guilt is that other people make us feel guilty by gossip and unkind remarks. And then there's the guilt that comes from worry--worrying about our children, especially when they are no longer under our influence.

A little guilt is probably okay. Guilt, or conviction, may be God's way of helping to us to make corrections and to set aside our pride. Some parents, especially those who don't take responsibility for their wayward and sometimes disruptive children, may need a good dose of guilt. But when guilt makes parents feel like a pariah, as you say, then it certainly is a negative and potentially destructive thing.

The Bible speaks quite clearly about parents and children. Parents are to train up their children "in the way they should go." That means that parents need to know their children--their giftedness, their likes, dislikes, shortcomings--and train them accordingly. Parents also need to invoke appropriate discipline. The problem with many parents in our culture is that they pretty much let their kids to what they want. There's very little training and very little accountability.

But parents also need to care for their children. The apostle Paul warns fathers in Ephesians not to frustrate their children.

On the other side, children are instructed to obey their parents (which they are compelled to do until they are no longer under their parents' jurisdiction), and after that they are to honor their parents.

Of course, there are no guarantees that children will still not rebel, even if parents follow biblical guidelines. At some point, the parents of even the most rebellious child must realize that at some point, their child is responsible for his or her own behavior. Even if they have "blown it" at times (and what parent hasn't blown it?), they can't bear the guilt of a wayward child forever.

Truth is, we need each other, and we should never be made to feel like a "pariah" in our churches. That's where our families--parents and children alike--should feel the most love and acceptance. It's also where sound biblical instruction and nurturing should take place.

Most of all, raising kids takes a lot of prayer. As Dr. Dobson once wrote in a book, "parenting isn't for cowards."

Hope this helps bring some perspective.